I never understood how fragile the human heart really is - until the last couple of weeks.
I have a friend who is struggling with a broken relationship. It wasn't a long relationship, but she had poured all she is into it, hoping that her uniqueness and great qualities (which are numerous!) would be enough to help him overcome his broken heart and feelings for a former girlfriend. That never works. Now she is devastated and is near the point of giving up. Literally.
Fortunately, (or unfortunately) I've been there before, so I know what she's feeling. I wish I could make her see that she will come through and that there is hope. We can't change people. They will either love us or they won't. But if we have given everything we are to God, we will be protected and will be able to guard our heart. Does that mean it won't hurt? Heck, no. But - you can go on and not be shattered into a million pieces because of that other person's choices. God must come first.
That's what I learned from my past relationship. I have to guard my heart. I can't allow myself to go to those places of want and desire until God opens the door. I must deal with what is and be honest with myself - and with God. Over the years, I've really come to know that God is not bothered by my questions or the frustrations that I scream out to Him. I think He's glad when I do that, because it means I recognize His ability to make a difference - and my inability to do anything about it. The key is to learn to stop long enough to hear what He has to say back. I don't do that well. But even when I don't stop to hear His voice, He still manages to get His point across and I end up growing closer to Him. How awesome it is to know the Creator of the Universe cares that much about me.
Today, I was praying for my friend and something strange happened. Have you ever been praying for someone and the very words you used to pray for their need become directed at you, and you realize God means that prayer for you as well? That's what happened. I was praying these words: "God, help her to know that if she will give those passions and desires to You, You will take them and give them back in ways far above what she could ever dream or imagine." I was walking back up the steps to my office when I prayed that and nearly fell down to my knees because I was so overcome by God's presence. I've never experienced anything like it. I knew that those words were for her AND me. I believe the Holy Spirit gave me those words, because I've never prayed that before for anyone. It was awesome and yet, I was so strongly reminded that I have to give my everything to God. I can trust Him with it all - including my heart. He will treat it gently and with great care and hold it for just the right time for me to give it to someone else. I am still pondering the implications of that prayer and God's message to my own heart.
What a day. Ladies, guard your hearts. Turn them over to the One who will keep them safe until a man worthy of it comes along. We think we know when a guy is worthy, but we're just kidding ourselves. Our vision is limited and blurred by the trash of this world. We must trust the One who created us and knows for whom we were created. Who else besides the Manufacturer knows what's best for His creation? And fellas, you do the same. Give your heart to the Creator and let Him lead you when it comes to relationships. He won't lead you wrong. Just listen to His voice and trust His judgment, not your own.
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Man, it's been a while!
I'm sure lots of folks have quit checking my blog since my posts are so few and far between. Trust me, it's not because there isn't anything happening - I'm just not at a place where I can talk about it. There may be much to say soon.
In other news - for some reason, my Youth Group keeps coming back! I am amazed. They are a great group of kids and I really feel inadequate for the task. I'm always asking God "What were you thinking!?!?!?!" I hate to think what they are missing out on simply because I'm new at this whole "youth minister" thingy. Oh well, I guess I'll keep pouring out my love on them and doing what I know to do - God can obviously take care of the rest of it!
14 DAYS!!!! Hope you are all keeping up with the election news. If you are undecided, please read, read and read some more. There are tons of references out on the net and on the radio for hearing what the real truth is! Don't be swayed by slick words and empty promises. Compare the records of both candidates and make your decision from that! God bless George Bush and God bless America!!!
In other news - for some reason, my Youth Group keeps coming back! I am amazed. They are a great group of kids and I really feel inadequate for the task. I'm always asking God "What were you thinking!?!?!?!" I hate to think what they are missing out on simply because I'm new at this whole "youth minister" thingy. Oh well, I guess I'll keep pouring out my love on them and doing what I know to do - God can obviously take care of the rest of it!
14 DAYS!!!! Hope you are all keeping up with the election news. If you are undecided, please read, read and read some more. There are tons of references out on the net and on the radio for hearing what the real truth is! Don't be swayed by slick words and empty promises. Compare the records of both candidates and make your decision from that! God bless George Bush and God bless America!!!
Monday, October 11, 2004
Waiting...
I hate waiting. In my mind, it seems like I do that a lot, but I'm sure I don't have to wait for things any longer than most folks.
I'm trying to learn how to live in the here and now...to enjoy the moments I have right now and not waste them looking ahead to what is coming. I'm afraid to think of the things I've missed because I was too busy standing on my toes, straining to see into tomorrow and what it would bring. I'm sure I've missed hearing God's voice many times because I have been pre-occupied with what may or may not happen.
*sigh*
I know God is in control and that because I've committed myself to Him, He will bring good things into my life. He can see the big picture and He knows how everything works out. At the same time, I can see where He is working and how He could be bringing those things into my life. That's where my struggle lies - seeing what He's doing on one side and on the other side - what that could mean. "X" could happen, but will it? He could be doing "X" in my life, but is that where He's taking me?
It's a bit like driving down an unfamiliar road...you know that the road goes down over the next hill and you can see where it comes up on the next hill - but you have no idea what the road between those two points is like. It could turn a little, take you over a lake or through some trees or it could simply be a straight path from one hill to the next. You know the road is there - there are no signs that it's out - you just don't know exactly what it's like. That's where I am. I can see where I am and I think I know where I'll end up (at least on the next hill!) but I just don't know the journey from here to there. So I have to wait and see the path as I'm traveling on it.
I just hope I'll take some time to view the scenery along the way.
I'm trying to learn how to live in the here and now...to enjoy the moments I have right now and not waste them looking ahead to what is coming. I'm afraid to think of the things I've missed because I was too busy standing on my toes, straining to see into tomorrow and what it would bring. I'm sure I've missed hearing God's voice many times because I have been pre-occupied with what may or may not happen.
*sigh*
I know God is in control and that because I've committed myself to Him, He will bring good things into my life. He can see the big picture and He knows how everything works out. At the same time, I can see where He is working and how He could be bringing those things into my life. That's where my struggle lies - seeing what He's doing on one side and on the other side - what that could mean. "X" could happen, but will it? He could be doing "X" in my life, but is that where He's taking me?
It's a bit like driving down an unfamiliar road...you know that the road goes down over the next hill and you can see where it comes up on the next hill - but you have no idea what the road between those two points is like. It could turn a little, take you over a lake or through some trees or it could simply be a straight path from one hill to the next. You know the road is there - there are no signs that it's out - you just don't know exactly what it's like. That's where I am. I can see where I am and I think I know where I'll end up (at least on the next hill!) but I just don't know the journey from here to there. So I have to wait and see the path as I'm traveling on it.
I just hope I'll take some time to view the scenery along the way.
Thursday, October 07, 2004
The writing on the wall....
Yesterday was unbelievable. I have been put on probation for 30 days. Never in my life, have I had this kind of "discipline" at a job. Needless to say, I was floored.
Now, to be honest, I have been a bit distracted and not nearly as focused on my job as I should have been, and that has resulted in some mistakes on my part. I admit that, and I am working on improving that. But apparently, it has been so bad that my boss feels a need to take this action. Personally, I think it is a bit much....ok, a bit TOO much. I mean, I just had a review in August! How terrible could I have gotten in one month? I just don't understand.
Fortunately, it's not an "official" probation - there isn't any paperwork being filled out and it's not going through our home office. This is just something between us. He wants to see an improvement in my attitude (which he said has been better since our golf tournament) and he wants to see that I am more focused in my work. Well, ok....I can do that!
My pastor spoke last night to our congregation about the attacks that seem to be coming against a lot of our members. It would seem that we are making a difference in the Kingdom, and the enemy of our souls is not pleased. Perhaps this is just another front of his attack.
Regardless of the cause, in the midst of it all I still heard God telling me it was all ok and He is working it all out. I know beyond any shadow of doubt that my time here is coming to an end....I just don't know how, where or when. But you know what? That's ok. I have surrendered my life to God and if all of this turmoil is part of what He's doing in my life, I can make it. He'll give me just what I need, when I need it.
I'm just going to put a smile on my face and do what's expected of me.
Now, to be honest, I have been a bit distracted and not nearly as focused on my job as I should have been, and that has resulted in some mistakes on my part. I admit that, and I am working on improving that. But apparently, it has been so bad that my boss feels a need to take this action. Personally, I think it is a bit much....ok, a bit TOO much. I mean, I just had a review in August! How terrible could I have gotten in one month? I just don't understand.
Fortunately, it's not an "official" probation - there isn't any paperwork being filled out and it's not going through our home office. This is just something between us. He wants to see an improvement in my attitude (which he said has been better since our golf tournament) and he wants to see that I am more focused in my work. Well, ok....I can do that!
My pastor spoke last night to our congregation about the attacks that seem to be coming against a lot of our members. It would seem that we are making a difference in the Kingdom, and the enemy of our souls is not pleased. Perhaps this is just another front of his attack.
Regardless of the cause, in the midst of it all I still heard God telling me it was all ok and He is working it all out. I know beyond any shadow of doubt that my time here is coming to an end....I just don't know how, where or when. But you know what? That's ok. I have surrendered my life to God and if all of this turmoil is part of what He's doing in my life, I can make it. He'll give me just what I need, when I need it.
I'm just going to put a smile on my face and do what's expected of me.
Monday, October 04, 2004
That's just the way it is.....
I cannot believe it has happened again!
I am without my computer once again. Yes, the logic board has once again failed and I couldn't use my laptop. Hopefully, they will replace the logic board with a new, updated version. Rick, the owner of the local Mac dealership/service location, said that Apple has been replacing the boards this time with a new version. I'm hoping this will take care of the problem and I won't have to deal with it again!
In my opinion, there is no better computer you could have than a Macintosh. I've used PC's for 12 years now, and I have never had a computer that just "works" so well! Other than the logic board (which is a hardware problem) I've not had any issues with my Mac! In fact, I can use it at the office and save files to our network and then be able to open them up on my pc. It's seamless!!! I just love my Mac....and I'm going to miss it over the next few days. :(
I am without my computer once again. Yes, the logic board has once again failed and I couldn't use my laptop. Hopefully, they will replace the logic board with a new, updated version. Rick, the owner of the local Mac dealership/service location, said that Apple has been replacing the boards this time with a new version. I'm hoping this will take care of the problem and I won't have to deal with it again!
In my opinion, there is no better computer you could have than a Macintosh. I've used PC's for 12 years now, and I have never had a computer that just "works" so well! Other than the logic board (which is a hardware problem) I've not had any issues with my Mac! In fact, I can use it at the office and save files to our network and then be able to open them up on my pc. It's seamless!!! I just love my Mac....and I'm going to miss it over the next few days. :(
Friday, October 01, 2004
My favorite time of the year...
I love the fall!!! Although we're not fully into the season, you can feel its' presence. It is coming soon! Most people would say that the springtime represents a time of "renewal" or it brings about a sense of "newness" and "new beginnings" for them, but the fall does that for me. I don't really know why. I can be weird sometimes. :) Sometimes, I just like to be different!
In my mind (and my experience), exciting stuff seems to happen in the fall. I think it's because the change that takes place is so evident - the leaves change and eventually fall from the trees, the air is cooler and crisper, and the days aren't nearly so long. Of course, you have to wear warmer clothes and you also get to light the fire in the fireplace. Perhaps it is the sense of closeness that comes from having to dress warmer and stay inside that I really like. Don't get me wrong- I like being outside - but I also like being inside with family and friends - and you definitely spend more time with people once the weather changes!
Another reason I love the fall is because it brings my favorite holiday - Thanksgiving! Of course, it hasn't always been my favorite. As a child, no holiday could ever compete with the decorations and excitement of receiving gifts from Santa! But as I've grown older, my holiday allegiance has switched to Thanksgiving. I guess I don't get enough of spending time with family and friends. (Well, with a few exceptions!!) But I just love being able to sit around and talk with family, share what's going on in each other's lives, see how much the kids have grown and reflect on "the good 'ole days". In addition, the food is usually good, too! :)
So it's that time of year again, and I am very excited. I'm waiting to see what this fall brings...perhaps there will be another reason to add to my list!
In my mind (and my experience), exciting stuff seems to happen in the fall. I think it's because the change that takes place is so evident - the leaves change and eventually fall from the trees, the air is cooler and crisper, and the days aren't nearly so long. Of course, you have to wear warmer clothes and you also get to light the fire in the fireplace. Perhaps it is the sense of closeness that comes from having to dress warmer and stay inside that I really like. Don't get me wrong- I like being outside - but I also like being inside with family and friends - and you definitely spend more time with people once the weather changes!
Another reason I love the fall is because it brings my favorite holiday - Thanksgiving! Of course, it hasn't always been my favorite. As a child, no holiday could ever compete with the decorations and excitement of receiving gifts from Santa! But as I've grown older, my holiday allegiance has switched to Thanksgiving. I guess I don't get enough of spending time with family and friends. (Well, with a few exceptions!!) But I just love being able to sit around and talk with family, share what's going on in each other's lives, see how much the kids have grown and reflect on "the good 'ole days". In addition, the food is usually good, too! :)
So it's that time of year again, and I am very excited. I'm waiting to see what this fall brings...perhaps there will be another reason to add to my list!
Monday, September 27, 2004
Time to prepare
Do you ever wish that you could just get a glimpse of what it is God is doing "behind the scenes" of your life? I know that if He were to give me that glimpse, I'd probably run away screaming, but today, I just wish I had a clue what He is up to. I'm sure I should just be thankful that He is moving and working. Don't get me wrong - I am very thankful! I just don't like not knowing what's up.
One thing I am sure of - He keeps telling me to trust and wait and in the meantime, prepare myself. Well, that begs the question...prepare for what? That's what I'm trying to figure out!
My pastor challenged us yesterday to spend this week re-examining our perceptions of who God really is and compare those with what the Bible says. I want to know God. I want to know Him like I've never known Him, because He is my everything. It's kind of funny - the theme scripture God gave me for the youth group is John 15:5 -
I think I'm traveling a new segment of my faith-walk, and my journey is taking me through a part of the countryside I've never seen before. I can hardly appreciate the scenery for being bothered by the fact I'm in a new place. Isn't that silly?!?! I want to relish today and not waste it wondering about tomorrow, but it is hard - especially when there are things I have to deal with today that I'm tired of dealing with.
I just want some clear direction, but perhaps the more time I spend getting to know God, the less concerned I'll be with where it is He's taking me.
One thing I am sure of - He keeps telling me to trust and wait and in the meantime, prepare myself. Well, that begs the question...prepare for what? That's what I'm trying to figure out!
My pastor challenged us yesterday to spend this week re-examining our perceptions of who God really is and compare those with what the Bible says. I want to know God. I want to know Him like I've never known Him, because He is my everything. It's kind of funny - the theme scripture God gave me for the youth group is John 15:5 -
"I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me, you can do nothing."Apparently, God is helping me learn to live this verse, for I am reminded of it frequently, and am having to learn how to remain in Him.
I think I'm traveling a new segment of my faith-walk, and my journey is taking me through a part of the countryside I've never seen before. I can hardly appreciate the scenery for being bothered by the fact I'm in a new place. Isn't that silly?!?! I want to relish today and not waste it wondering about tomorrow, but it is hard - especially when there are things I have to deal with today that I'm tired of dealing with.
I just want some clear direction, but perhaps the more time I spend getting to know God, the less concerned I'll be with where it is He's taking me.
Friday, September 24, 2004
TGIF
All I want to say is that I'm glad it's Friday. It's been a long week and I'm beat! Maybe I'll have something more interesting to say later. :)
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Sailing along
Just wanted to say that things are going much better this week. This week I'm having to close out our two golf tournaments, so I'm staying busy - and staying out of trouble! :) God is good...that's all I know!
One thing I've got to do is get back into my regular personal schedule. This past week-and-a-half has really thrown a cog in my wheel! I haven't worked out in almost two weeks now and I've been staying up until 12 or 1am every night! I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't keep it up. I'm excited that I'll get to the gym this afternoon. I need a hard workout!
In addition to my physical health, I've got to get back in the groove of studying the Word. I've not been reading God's Word nearly enough because of my busy schedule, and I can tell it! Good grief! I am too easily distracted from doing the important stuff!
Well, time to get back to the helm...
One thing I've got to do is get back into my regular personal schedule. This past week-and-a-half has really thrown a cog in my wheel! I haven't worked out in almost two weeks now and I've been staying up until 12 or 1am every night! I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't keep it up. I'm excited that I'll get to the gym this afternoon. I need a hard workout!
In addition to my physical health, I've got to get back in the groove of studying the Word. I've not been reading God's Word nearly enough because of my busy schedule, and I can tell it! Good grief! I am too easily distracted from doing the important stuff!
Well, time to get back to the helm...
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
I am proud to introduce...
My pastor has hit the blogosphere!!! His blog is going to be quite a read - I can assure you! You may love him - you may hate him, but I'll bet once you start reading, you won't be able to quit!
I feel like I've had some part in the birth of his blog. Randy's been reading my posts since I began my blog last year and I'd like to think I had some influence in his decision to join this world of thoughts and ideas. You know - I do what I can! :)
Anyway, I look forward to seeing what happens.
I feel like I've had some part in the birth of his blog. Randy's been reading my posts since I began my blog last year and I'd like to think I had some influence in his decision to join this world of thoughts and ideas. You know - I do what I can! :)
Anyway, I look forward to seeing what happens.
Saturday, September 18, 2004
A quiz for everything...
Thanks to Rick for this new quiz. I haven't done one of these in a while so I thought it would be fun.
Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"
True Christian
You are humble, gracious, kind and extremely Christ-like. You believe in the bible as your law, but read it in its original language. Perhaps you're not a scholar, but you're not an amateur either. You normally don't feel church is acceptable for your form of worship, and if anyone believes different from you, you might try to learn something from them.
I don't know how to read the Bible in it's original language, but I think the rest of it is fairly accurate. How funny!
Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"
True Christian
You are humble, gracious, kind and extremely Christ-like. You believe in the bible as your law, but read it in its original language. Perhaps you're not a scholar, but you're not an amateur either. You normally don't feel church is acceptable for your form of worship, and if anyone believes different from you, you might try to learn something from them.
I don't know how to read the Bible in it's original language, but I think the rest of it is fairly accurate. How funny!
Friday, September 17, 2004
loneliness
it's amazing to me how you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. it just sneaks up on you, busts through the door and sets up camp. eeeck. i'll be glad when it leaves. hopefully it won't be here long and there will be a long time before it shows up again.
Thursday, September 16, 2004
Sometimes, it just gets old
I think the one thing I most dislike about being single is having to take care of everything for myself. If my car needs work, I have to make sure it happens. When something I own breaks, I have to fix it or get a new one.
Even though I have two roommates, I tend to be the one in the house that fixes things. It's not my roommate's fault, it's just the way it is. They even have a nickname for me. They've started calling me "Walgreens" (that's a drug store chain here in the south.) If anyone needs something, I usually have it - from bandaids and batteries to coaxial cables and extension cords. I don't understand how that happened. I guess I'm just weird.
Starting last week, our bathtub started backing up. I guess I shouldn't be surprised since there are three girls living in the house. Well, the day before yesterday it was backing up and staying backed up for a long time. We happened to have a little bit of this stuff called "Liquid Fire." Have you ever heard of the stuff?!!? It's truly amazing, but gosh it stinks!!! Basically it is sulfuric acid and it will remove any clog you have! So I used the little bit we had, hoping it would take care of the problem. Uh...no. Not gonna happen.
Well, today, I go and get a new bottle and when I got home, I poured half of it down the drain, waited the prescribed 15 minutes and started the cold water running down the drain. "Aha," I thought, "it worked!" But within seconds, I realized I had jumped the gun. The tub promptly began to fill up and the water wouldn't budge.
After consulting with my mom about her experience with the stuff, I decided to use the rest of the bottle. The directions say to wait until all the water had drained out, but if I had done that, I'd still be waiting. So I started pouring a little bit down the drain (the stuff went straight down the drain - it didn't even mix with the water sitting in the tub!) Then, I took the plunger and started pumping the drain. After going back and forth - pouring and pumping - the water finally went down and I poured the rest of the Liquid Fire down the drain. I waited another 15 minutes and, voila! Success!!!!! I must admit, I was proud of myself. For all of my wishing I didn't have to always tend to things, I do have a sense of pride when I can "fix" a problem.
Needless to say, it will be nice when one day I can let someone else tend to those kinds of things. At least, I hope I will marry someone who can tend to those kinds of things. :) I don't mind doing "fix-it" jobs around the house, it just would be nice to not be the only one to do it. *sigh* I guess I need to be grateful I can do those things, but like I said - sometimes it just gets old.
Even though I have two roommates, I tend to be the one in the house that fixes things. It's not my roommate's fault, it's just the way it is. They even have a nickname for me. They've started calling me "Walgreens" (that's a drug store chain here in the south.) If anyone needs something, I usually have it - from bandaids and batteries to coaxial cables and extension cords. I don't understand how that happened. I guess I'm just weird.
Starting last week, our bathtub started backing up. I guess I shouldn't be surprised since there are three girls living in the house. Well, the day before yesterday it was backing up and staying backed up for a long time. We happened to have a little bit of this stuff called "Liquid Fire." Have you ever heard of the stuff?!!? It's truly amazing, but gosh it stinks!!! Basically it is sulfuric acid and it will remove any clog you have! So I used the little bit we had, hoping it would take care of the problem. Uh...no. Not gonna happen.
Well, today, I go and get a new bottle and when I got home, I poured half of it down the drain, waited the prescribed 15 minutes and started the cold water running down the drain. "Aha," I thought, "it worked!" But within seconds, I realized I had jumped the gun. The tub promptly began to fill up and the water wouldn't budge.
After consulting with my mom about her experience with the stuff, I decided to use the rest of the bottle. The directions say to wait until all the water had drained out, but if I had done that, I'd still be waiting. So I started pouring a little bit down the drain (the stuff went straight down the drain - it didn't even mix with the water sitting in the tub!) Then, I took the plunger and started pumping the drain. After going back and forth - pouring and pumping - the water finally went down and I poured the rest of the Liquid Fire down the drain. I waited another 15 minutes and, voila! Success!!!!! I must admit, I was proud of myself. For all of my wishing I didn't have to always tend to things, I do have a sense of pride when I can "fix" a problem.
Needless to say, it will be nice when one day I can let someone else tend to those kinds of things. At least, I hope I will marry someone who can tend to those kinds of things. :) I don't mind doing "fix-it" jobs around the house, it just would be nice to not be the only one to do it. *sigh* I guess I need to be grateful I can do those things, but like I said - sometimes it just gets old.
When in doubt, apologize
My mom gave me some good advice this morning. She told me that I should probably apologize for yesterday, whether I felt I was at fault or not. So I did. And she was right. It was the thing to do. All is well here today and we'll be just fine.
But...
I'm still not sure about the future. We'll see what God has in store for me. In the meantime, I'll keep on doing what I'm doing and wait on God. :)
But...
I'm still not sure about the future. We'll see what God has in store for me. In the meantime, I'll keep on doing what I'm doing and wait on God. :)
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Today, I nearly walked away
Change is in the air. Just as sure as I know my name, I know that some major changes are coming in my life. What does that mean? I really have no idea, but, for some time, I've known that I would not stay at my current job forever. It has bothered me a bit, to be honest. After all, God called me to this job. His fingerprints are all over the job and how He brought me to it, and I know that He has me there for a reason. So when I started having thoughts about moving on (about nine months to a year ago) I thought it was just me and that I was being silly.
Now I'm not so sure.
The past several weeks have really been a struggle for me. Just for the record, I love what I do and have thoroughly enjoyed my job. But I have really been struggling with thoughts of not wanting to do it anymore. The last time I experienced these feelings was when I changed jobs and began to work at my current postition. Needless to say, it's a little scary. I think God may be working in me to prepare me, but for what....I don't know.
So today, I almost quit. No joke. I have never had a week like this one. Without going into too much detail, let's just say it's been stressful. We had a major event yesterday and have another one on Monday. My boss graciously gave me the first half of the day off, so I got into work at lunchtime. Yesterday, there were some problems and we had a little "discussion" at the event that didn't help things (on my end) but we got past that and everything was fine today. I came in and started right to work on getting past yesterday's event. My boss told me what he wanted to get done, so I was working on those things. Toward the end of the day, I was working on stuff for next week when he came to my desk and asked me "How's it looking?" which really means - what are you working on and where are you with it. I got so frustrated. I started to just say "fine" but I just sighed, looked up at him and asked him "what do you want me to tell you?" It wasn't the the question itself that he asked me, it was the way he asked me. Again, I don't want to go into too much detail and beat a dead horse (to quote a friend of mine) but the end result was we got into another "discussion" in which my boss asked me if I enjoyed my job. I told him, "not this week" and he asked me if I wanted to do something else. I actually hesitated for a split second (or two) before I said, "no. I like what I do." But I must admit - I felt very disingenuous.
Now, let me pause and say that I couldn't believe he asked me that question. Truthfully, I do enjoy my job and I have never had so much "trouble" as I've had this week. The guys I work for are very good about telling me how much they appreciate me and thank me on a regular basis for the things I do for them. And, as far as I know, I've never given any indication that I'd rather be somewhere else - because I haven't ever felt that.....until this week.
Anyway, we "had it out", so to speak, and I think we're ok or will be ok. I'm sure once we get past next week's event, we'll have a meeting to discuss this week. My boss likes to discuss things. I'm praying about it - asking God to show me where I was at fault or need to change and how I need to respond to my boss. I don't know what it all means. I've never been this disatisfied with my current job and I don't know for sure where this feeling is coming from. All I do know is this - God let me get absolutely miserable in my last job so that I would even think of looking elsewhere. I don't want to have to get to that point again. If He has somewhere else for me to be, I'm ready to go there. I'll do whatever He wants me to do and go wherever He wants me to go.
In spite of the unease of this week, I know that God is in control. He is doing something within me and perhaps this is just a by-product of that. Everytime there is growth in my spiritual life, every other area of my life is directly affected. My life started changing in major ways when I became the youth director at my church. Only God knows where it will all end up.
Now I'm not so sure.
The past several weeks have really been a struggle for me. Just for the record, I love what I do and have thoroughly enjoyed my job. But I have really been struggling with thoughts of not wanting to do it anymore. The last time I experienced these feelings was when I changed jobs and began to work at my current postition. Needless to say, it's a little scary. I think God may be working in me to prepare me, but for what....I don't know.
So today, I almost quit. No joke. I have never had a week like this one. Without going into too much detail, let's just say it's been stressful. We had a major event yesterday and have another one on Monday. My boss graciously gave me the first half of the day off, so I got into work at lunchtime. Yesterday, there were some problems and we had a little "discussion" at the event that didn't help things (on my end) but we got past that and everything was fine today. I came in and started right to work on getting past yesterday's event. My boss told me what he wanted to get done, so I was working on those things. Toward the end of the day, I was working on stuff for next week when he came to my desk and asked me "How's it looking?" which really means - what are you working on and where are you with it. I got so frustrated. I started to just say "fine" but I just sighed, looked up at him and asked him "what do you want me to tell you?" It wasn't the the question itself that he asked me, it was the way he asked me. Again, I don't want to go into too much detail and beat a dead horse (to quote a friend of mine) but the end result was we got into another "discussion" in which my boss asked me if I enjoyed my job. I told him, "not this week" and he asked me if I wanted to do something else. I actually hesitated for a split second (or two) before I said, "no. I like what I do." But I must admit - I felt very disingenuous.
Now, let me pause and say that I couldn't believe he asked me that question. Truthfully, I do enjoy my job and I have never had so much "trouble" as I've had this week. The guys I work for are very good about telling me how much they appreciate me and thank me on a regular basis for the things I do for them. And, as far as I know, I've never given any indication that I'd rather be somewhere else - because I haven't ever felt that.....until this week.
Anyway, we "had it out", so to speak, and I think we're ok or will be ok. I'm sure once we get past next week's event, we'll have a meeting to discuss this week. My boss likes to discuss things. I'm praying about it - asking God to show me where I was at fault or need to change and how I need to respond to my boss. I don't know what it all means. I've never been this disatisfied with my current job and I don't know for sure where this feeling is coming from. All I do know is this - God let me get absolutely miserable in my last job so that I would even think of looking elsewhere. I don't want to have to get to that point again. If He has somewhere else for me to be, I'm ready to go there. I'll do whatever He wants me to do and go wherever He wants me to go.
In spite of the unease of this week, I know that God is in control. He is doing something within me and perhaps this is just a by-product of that. Everytime there is growth in my spiritual life, every other area of my life is directly affected. My life started changing in major ways when I became the youth director at my church. Only God knows where it will all end up.
The hurricane cometh!
Although I live in central Mississippi, we will feel the effects of the hurricane before the week is out. You would not believe the traffic coming from the south!!! I have a friend from Mobile who was traveling to McComb, MS with her parents last night. She called me around 9:30 to get an update on the weather and told me they had traveled about 2 miles in as many hours! My uncle and aunt left Gautier at 7:30 pm and made it to my parent's house at 5:30 this morning - a trip that would normally be 3 hours, tops!!!! Unbelievable!
It appears this is going to be a very rough storm. Keep all those people who live on the coast in your prayers. I know they all pray they will have a home when it's over.
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Spiderman in church
I just love kids. They are truly unique! Today in church, my nephew provided one of those "Kodak moments" for which you wish you had a video or digital camera to record it.
A couple in our church officially joined today, so after giving his intro and speaking to the couple, our pastor asked everyone to stand and extend their hand towards them as he prayed over them. My roommate was standing next to my four-year-old nephew and just happened to look over at him as everyone was extending their hands. She about lost it when she noticed his arm was extended and his hand was in the "spray web" gesture made popular by Spiderman and acted out by kids across this nation pretending to be him.
Of course, she elbowed her sister and she about lost it too. By then, other people on the pew noticed and were chuckling under their breath. What makes it so funny is that he wasn't trying to be funny! He was sincerely reaching his hand out in prayer. It's just that he is such a Spiderman freak, it comes out in the smallest ways. You should see the way he jumps around the house.
Since none of our family actually saw my nephew's actions, we got a good laugh when my roommate shared the story.
Friday, September 10, 2004
A little change
I decided to use the comment feature provided by blogger.com, so any comments left prior to today will not be available. I think this feature will be more functional.
Also - I've enabled the feature that will allow you to email any of my posts to a friend. Go ahead, spread the love! :) Feel free to share any of my wit and wisdom with your friends! Ha!
Also - I've enabled the feature that will allow you to email any of my posts to a friend. Go ahead, spread the love! :) Feel free to share any of my wit and wisdom with your friends! Ha!
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
I highly recommend...
This is the best cd I've listened to in quite some time. It is simply beautiful. The name of the group is "Amici Forever" and the title of the cd is "The Opera Band".
If you like opera, this is a fabulous cd to add to your collection. But - even if you're not really that fond of opera music, I still think you would like this cd. Anyone who loves and can appreciate good music will like this cd. I guarantee it.
How do I know? Well, the only reason I even found this cd was because one of the songs on it was playing in the background at Borders bookstore. It was so incredible, that as I was walking through the music section, I came to a complete stop when I heard it playing. I immediately flagged down a sales associate to tell me what cd was playing. I'm telling you - it is just that good!
Of course, music always speaks to me. I can be in a crowd of hundreds of talking people and still be able to zero in on music that is playing. I thank God for His gift of music in my life. I hope I can pass that along to others in some way.
Don't just do something....sit there!
This was the title of my pastor's message on Sunday. It was based on 1 Samuel 13 where Saul jumps the gun and is disobedient to God because he didn't think things were moving along fast enough. Because of his taking charge and doing things his way, he ended up losing the kingdom and ultimately the presence of God in his life - and didn't even realize when He had left! Yikes! It is another confirmation in my life that God is teaching me to wait....and listen....and trust...and totally surrender everything to Him...and did I mention, wait? I told a friend tonight that I wish God would just quit talking to me (NOT REALLY!) I'm very glad to know that God is speaking to me. Means I'm still "in"! :)
Seriously though, each day that goes by just reinforces what I hear God speaking in my heart. The other day, I posted about surrendering everything to God, but I have since realized that I've just begun that journey. Silly of me to think that it was a one-time "surrendering" and then all would be right in the world. Ha! I now see the foolishness of my wisdom - I don't have as much as I thought I did! Surrendering is a daily, no wait....hourly....oops, wrong again...minute by minute thing! At least for me it is. I will admit, there are stretches of my day where it isn't an issue, but that's usually because at that moment I don't have time to sit around and think about things. I get into trouble when I have free time. :)
Today, we had a staff meeting, and my boss had us pair up and put into practice Romans 12:15, which says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." He asked us to share something we were rejoicing over with our partner and then pray for one another, specifically mentioning them by name. I shared with my co-worker that I am excited by what I see God doing in my life. This whole lesson in trusting and surrendering is exciting to me - even though it is at times painful. Just the other day, I was really struggling. I was feeling depressed and just didn't want to be around others or do anything. So, I started examining my heart to determine what was really the core issue. I made myself think of all the things God has done in my life and began to thank Him for those things. Then I asked myself why was I depressed. The thought went through my head that "Christy" was having a hard time dying. That part of me that has been warring with God over this whole surrender issue was not happy and was making me miserable. All I could do after that was laugh at myself. One of these days, I'll look back over this period of my life and think how silly I was for all of my attitudes and struggles. At least I hope I will. But for now, I am a bit glad for the struggle - it means that something is happening. I guess it really is like childbirth (although I don't know the reality of that experience!) If there wasn't the struggle and pains of labor, there would not be the birth of a child. And, so I'm learning, that is true in our spiritual life as well. If we are not feeling the pain of being outside of our "comfort zone" and having what is comfortable taken from us, then we probably aren't really walking in the path God has set for us.
Anyway, I will continue to learn to sit and wait on God and listen closely for the sound of His still, small voice so that when He does speak, I will be ready to do what He asks. Oh, I can hardly wait! :)
Seriously though, each day that goes by just reinforces what I hear God speaking in my heart. The other day, I posted about surrendering everything to God, but I have since realized that I've just begun that journey. Silly of me to think that it was a one-time "surrendering" and then all would be right in the world. Ha! I now see the foolishness of my wisdom - I don't have as much as I thought I did! Surrendering is a daily, no wait....hourly....oops, wrong again...minute by minute thing! At least for me it is. I will admit, there are stretches of my day where it isn't an issue, but that's usually because at that moment I don't have time to sit around and think about things. I get into trouble when I have free time. :)
Today, we had a staff meeting, and my boss had us pair up and put into practice Romans 12:15, which says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." He asked us to share something we were rejoicing over with our partner and then pray for one another, specifically mentioning them by name. I shared with my co-worker that I am excited by what I see God doing in my life. This whole lesson in trusting and surrendering is exciting to me - even though it is at times painful. Just the other day, I was really struggling. I was feeling depressed and just didn't want to be around others or do anything. So, I started examining my heart to determine what was really the core issue. I made myself think of all the things God has done in my life and began to thank Him for those things. Then I asked myself why was I depressed. The thought went through my head that "Christy" was having a hard time dying. That part of me that has been warring with God over this whole surrender issue was not happy and was making me miserable. All I could do after that was laugh at myself. One of these days, I'll look back over this period of my life and think how silly I was for all of my attitudes and struggles. At least I hope I will. But for now, I am a bit glad for the struggle - it means that something is happening. I guess it really is like childbirth (although I don't know the reality of that experience!) If there wasn't the struggle and pains of labor, there would not be the birth of a child. And, so I'm learning, that is true in our spiritual life as well. If we are not feeling the pain of being outside of our "comfort zone" and having what is comfortable taken from us, then we probably aren't really walking in the path God has set for us.
Anyway, I will continue to learn to sit and wait on God and listen closely for the sound of His still, small voice so that when He does speak, I will be ready to do what He asks. Oh, I can hardly wait! :)
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