Since my last post, many things have happened in my life. The biggest "thing" is that I got married! I have a wonderful husband and I know having him in my life is a direct result of trusting God. Let me tell you the story!
God is not a man who lies, or a son of man who changes His mind. Does He speak and not act, or promise and not fulfill? Numbers 23:19
In February 2006, after many years of praying for a husband, the Holy Spirit placed in my heart the promise that I would know who I would marry by the end of the year. I know, many people would say, "yeah, right!". Trust me - I did too! I told myself that I was just making that up to comfort myself - after all, I was turning 33 that year and I was tired of waiting for a husband. But deep down, I knew that I had heard from God. Through the year, I kept watching and waiting....evaluating the guy "friends" I had to see if I could tell which one was "the one." The funny thing is this - the man who is my husband (whom I met online around the time God gave me His promise) never even entered my mind as a possibility!!!
To make a long story short - we met through Skype thanks to his brother in February 2006. He lived in Israel at the time. In the summer, he told me he wanted to come visit, so it worked out for him to come in November. He and his father came to visit and during the 10 days he was here, he basically courted me - treated me to dinner, spent time with me, bought me some gifts....and was a perfect gentleman! Up to this point in our relationship, I had not considered any type of relationship with him other than friendship. In fact, while he was here that year, I kept saying to my friend, "I don't know why he's here!" And I didn't! I really had no clue what his purpose was but I found out on Thanksgiving 2006. The evening of Thanksgiving, we were at my house and he was baking me a cake (yes he cooks!!) While it was baking, I asked him why he came and that's when he told me he wanted a Christian wife and it was hard to find one in Israel. He had evaluated my character and now that he had met me and spent time with me, he knew he wanted to marry me.
Can I just say I was blown away? :) I told him I'd have to think about it and I wasn't sure if I could give him an answer before he left the next Tuesday. He said that was ok because he wanted me to be sure of my answer. No regrets....no looking back.
I took all of the next day to think and pray about what he had said. God reminded me of His promise to me, reminded me of things I had prayed for in a husband (which was embodied in my husband) and also reminded me of a prayer I had prayed SEVERAL times. He reminded me distinctly about this prayer I had prayed: "God, if the guy I'm going to marry would just show up and tell me he wanted to marry me and I didn't have a clue, that would be great!" It was a prayer of frustration - not with God but with my own efforts to "find" a husband. But for some reason, it was a prayer God heard!! Well, maybe He heard it or maybe it was just a means for Him to speak His purpose into my life - because that's exactly how it happened! That day I was praying, I told God, "I am trying to come up with a reason to say 'no' but I can't - except for this one thing: I don't know much about him, God, but I know I don't have to. You made him and know all about him, so I'm expecting you to show me if I should say no." Well, God made it clear to me that "yes" was to be the answer. And as people say - the rest is history!
I share all of this to demonstrate what it has meant for me to trust God. It took coming to a complete surrender of my will to be able to receive God's best for me. Two weeks before Sasha visited me, I was praying and said to God, "Lord, I don't know what I need but you do. Whatever that is - no matter who it is - I am willing to accept it because you know what is best."
Isn't that the whole idea? God does know what is best and we can trust him? I have found the scripture I referenced to be completely true - "God is not a man who lies...or changes his mind." Wow! What a great promise to trust in!
I wish I could say I never doubt anymore. LOL! I'm still human. But I know one thing, I sure give up my doubt and control much faster than I used to! Lord, help me to trust you at all costs!