Tuesday, October 26, 2004

The fragile heart

I never understood how fragile the human heart really is - until the last couple of weeks.

I have a friend who is struggling with a broken relationship. It wasn't a long relationship, but she had poured all she is into it, hoping that her uniqueness and great qualities (which are numerous!) would be enough to help him overcome his broken heart and feelings for a former girlfriend. That never works. Now she is devastated and is near the point of giving up. Literally.

Fortunately, (or unfortunately) I've been there before, so I know what she's feeling. I wish I could make her see that she will come through and that there is hope. We can't change people. They will either love us or they won't. But if we have given everything we are to God, we will be protected and will be able to guard our heart. Does that mean it won't hurt? Heck, no. But - you can go on and not be shattered into a million pieces because of that other person's choices. God must come first.

That's what I learned from my past relationship. I have to guard my heart. I can't allow myself to go to those places of want and desire until God opens the door. I must deal with what is and be honest with myself - and with God. Over the years, I've really come to know that God is not bothered by my questions or the frustrations that I scream out to Him. I think He's glad when I do that, because it means I recognize His ability to make a difference - and my inability to do anything about it. The key is to learn to stop long enough to hear what He has to say back. I don't do that well. But even when I don't stop to hear His voice, He still manages to get His point across and I end up growing closer to Him. How awesome it is to know the Creator of the Universe cares that much about me.

Today, I was praying for my friend and something strange happened. Have you ever been praying for someone and the very words you used to pray for their need become directed at you, and you realize God means that prayer for you as well? That's what happened. I was praying these words: "God, help her to know that if she will give those passions and desires to You, You will take them and give them back in ways far above what she could ever dream or imagine." I was walking back up the steps to my office when I prayed that and nearly fell down to my knees because I was so overcome by God's presence. I've never experienced anything like it. I knew that those words were for her AND me. I believe the Holy Spirit gave me those words, because I've never prayed that before for anyone. It was awesome and yet, I was so strongly reminded that I have to give my everything to God. I can trust Him with it all - including my heart. He will treat it gently and with great care and hold it for just the right time for me to give it to someone else. I am still pondering the implications of that prayer and God's message to my own heart.

What a day. Ladies, guard your hearts. Turn them over to the One who will keep them safe until a man worthy of it comes along. We think we know when a guy is worthy, but we're just kidding ourselves. Our vision is limited and blurred by the trash of this world. We must trust the One who created us and knows for whom we were created. Who else besides the Manufacturer knows what's best for His creation? And fellas, you do the same. Give your heart to the Creator and let Him lead you when it comes to relationships. He won't lead you wrong. Just listen to His voice and trust His judgment, not your own.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Man, it's been a while!

I'm sure lots of folks have quit checking my blog since my posts are so few and far between. Trust me, it's not because there isn't anything happening - I'm just not at a place where I can talk about it. There may be much to say soon.

In other news - for some reason, my Youth Group keeps coming back! I am amazed. They are a great group of kids and I really feel inadequate for the task. I'm always asking God "What were you thinking!?!?!?!" I hate to think what they are missing out on simply because I'm new at this whole "youth minister" thingy. Oh well, I guess I'll keep pouring out my love on them and doing what I know to do - God can obviously take care of the rest of it!

14 DAYS!!!! Hope you are all keeping up with the election news. If you are undecided, please read, read and read some more. There are tons of references out on the net and on the radio for hearing what the real truth is! Don't be swayed by slick words and empty promises. Compare the records of both candidates and make your decision from that! God bless George Bush and God bless America!!!

Monday, October 11, 2004


I hate waiting. In my mind, it seems like I do that a lot, but I'm sure I don't have to wait for things any longer than most folks.

I'm trying to learn how to live in the here and now...to enjoy the moments I have right now and not waste them looking ahead to what is coming. I'm afraid to think of the things I've missed because I was too busy standing on my toes, straining to see into tomorrow and what it would bring. I'm sure I've missed hearing God's voice many times because I have been pre-occupied with what may or may not happen.


I know God is in control and that because I've committed myself to Him, He will bring good things into my life. He can see the big picture and He knows how everything works out. At the same time, I can see where He is working and how He could be bringing those things into my life. That's where my struggle lies - seeing what He's doing on one side and on the other side - what that could mean. "X" could happen, but will it? He could be doing "X" in my life, but is that where He's taking me?

It's a bit like driving down an unfamiliar road...you know that the road goes down over the next hill and you can see where it comes up on the next hill - but you have no idea what the road between those two points is like. It could turn a little, take you over a lake or through some trees or it could simply be a straight path from one hill to the next. You know the road is there - there are no signs that it's out - you just don't know exactly what it's like. That's where I am. I can see where I am and I think I know where I'll end up (at least on the next hill!) but I just don't know the journey from here to there. So I have to wait and see the path as I'm traveling on it.

I just hope I'll take some time to view the scenery along the way.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

The writing on the wall....

Yesterday was unbelievable. I have been put on probation for 30 days. Never in my life, have I had this kind of "discipline" at a job. Needless to say, I was floored.

Now, to be honest, I have been a bit distracted and not nearly as focused on my job as I should have been, and that has resulted in some mistakes on my part. I admit that, and I am working on improving that. But apparently, it has been so bad that my boss feels a need to take this action. Personally, I think it is a bit much....ok, a bit TOO much. I mean, I just had a review in August! How terrible could I have gotten in one month? I just don't understand.

Fortunately, it's not an "official" probation - there isn't any paperwork being filled out and it's not going through our home office. This is just something between us. He wants to see an improvement in my attitude (which he said has been better since our golf tournament) and he wants to see that I am more focused in my work. Well, ok....I can do that!

My pastor spoke last night to our congregation about the attacks that seem to be coming against a lot of our members. It would seem that we are making a difference in the Kingdom, and the enemy of our souls is not pleased. Perhaps this is just another front of his attack.

Regardless of the cause, in the midst of it all I still heard God telling me it was all ok and He is working it all out. I know beyond any shadow of doubt that my time here is coming to an end....I just don't know how, where or when. But you know what? That's ok. I have surrendered my life to God and if all of this turmoil is part of what He's doing in my life, I can make it. He'll give me just what I need, when I need it.

I'm just going to put a smile on my face and do what's expected of me.

Monday, October 04, 2004

That's just the way it is.....

I cannot believe it has happened again!

I am without my computer once again. Yes, the logic board has once again failed and I couldn't use my laptop. Hopefully, they will replace the logic board with a new, updated version. Rick, the owner of the local Mac dealership/service location, said that Apple has been replacing the boards this time with a new version. I'm hoping this will take care of the problem and I won't have to deal with it again!

In my opinion, there is no better computer you could have than a Macintosh. I've used PC's for 12 years now, and I have never had a computer that just "works" so well! Other than the logic board (which is a hardware problem) I've not had any issues with my Mac! In fact, I can use it at the office and save files to our network and then be able to open them up on my pc. It's seamless!!! I just love my Mac....and I'm going to miss it over the next few days. :(

Friday, October 01, 2004

My favorite time of the year...

I love the fall!!! Although we're not fully into the season, you can feel its' presence. It is coming soon! Most people would say that the springtime represents a time of "renewal" or it brings about a sense of "newness" and "new beginnings" for them, but the fall does that for me. I don't really know why. I can be weird sometimes. :) Sometimes, I just like to be different!

In my mind (and my experience), exciting stuff seems to happen in the fall. I think it's because the change that takes place is so evident - the leaves change and eventually fall from the trees, the air is cooler and crisper, and the days aren't nearly so long. Of course, you have to wear warmer clothes and you also get to light the fire in the fireplace. Perhaps it is the sense of closeness that comes from having to dress warmer and stay inside that I really like. Don't get me wrong- I like being outside - but I also like being inside with family and friends - and you definitely spend more time with people once the weather changes!

Another reason I love the fall is because it brings my favorite holiday - Thanksgiving! Of course, it hasn't always been my favorite. As a child, no holiday could ever compete with the decorations and excitement of receiving gifts from Santa! But as I've grown older, my holiday allegiance has switched to Thanksgiving. I guess I don't get enough of spending time with family and friends. (Well, with a few exceptions!!) But I just love being able to sit around and talk with family, share what's going on in each other's lives, see how much the kids have grown and reflect on "the good 'ole days". In addition, the food is usually good, too! :)

So it's that time of year again, and I am very excited. I'm waiting to see what this fall brings...perhaps there will be another reason to add to my list!