This was the title of my pastor's message on Sunday. It was based on 1 Samuel 13 where Saul jumps the gun and is disobedient to God because he didn't think things were moving along fast enough. Because of his taking charge and doing things his way, he ended up losing the kingdom and ultimately the presence of God in his life - and didn't even realize when He had left! Yikes! It is another confirmation in my life that God is teaching me to wait....and listen....and trust...and totally surrender everything to Him...and did I mention, wait? I told a friend tonight that I wish God would just quit talking to me (NOT REALLY!) I'm very glad to know that God is speaking to me. Means I'm still "in"! :)
Seriously though, each day that goes by just reinforces what I hear God speaking in my heart. The other day, I posted about surrendering everything to God, but I have since realized that I've just begun that journey. Silly of me to think that it was a one-time "surrendering" and then all would be right in the world. Ha! I now see the foolishness of my wisdom - I don't have as much as I thought I did! Surrendering is a daily, no wait....hourly....oops, wrong again...minute by minute thing! At least for me it is. I will admit, there are stretches of my day where it isn't an issue, but that's usually because at that moment I don't have time to sit around and think about things. I get into trouble when I have free time. :)
Today, we had a staff meeting, and my boss had us pair up and put into practice Romans 12:15, which says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." He asked us to share something we were rejoicing over with our partner and then pray for one another, specifically mentioning them by name. I shared with my co-worker that I am excited by what I see God doing in my life. This whole lesson in trusting and surrendering is exciting to me - even though it is at times painful. Just the other day, I was really struggling. I was feeling depressed and just didn't want to be around others or do anything. So, I started examining my heart to determine what was really the core issue. I made myself think of all the things God has done in my life and began to thank Him for those things. Then I asked myself why was I depressed. The thought went through my head that "Christy" was having a hard time dying. That part of me that has been warring with God over this whole surrender issue was not happy and was making me miserable. All I could do after that was laugh at myself. One of these days, I'll look back over this period of my life and think how silly I was for all of my attitudes and struggles. At least I hope I will. But for now, I am a bit glad for the struggle - it means that something is happening. I guess it really is like childbirth (although I don't know the reality of that experience!) If there wasn't the struggle and pains of labor, there would not be the birth of a child. And, so I'm learning, that is true in our spiritual life as well. If we are not feeling the pain of being outside of our "comfort zone" and having what is comfortable taken from us, then we probably aren't really walking in the path God has set for us.
Anyway, I will continue to learn to sit and wait on God and listen closely for the sound of His still, small voice so that when He does speak, I will be ready to do what He asks. Oh, I can hardly wait! :)
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