If you had asked me at the beginning of the year what 2005 was going to look like for me, my answer would have been very different from the reality of my life today. Here's what I thought (in January, that is) the year would hold for me: I would right now be seriously involved with someone in a relationship (that has ended - and I don't want to be involved with anyone right now); working on how to prepare my family, friends and co-workers for the fact I would probably be moving out of state (that still could happen - although not anytime real soon); I would be building a business (that is still in progress - going slower than I expected, but I'm excited about the potential) and God would be doing some incredible things in and through me. Fortunately, that last thing is still happening in spite of me and my ideas!
It's funny how when God starts moving in my life, I just take the first hints of His handiwork and run with it - usually without really stopping to hear what He has to say about it. I wish God would stop me before I get started - you know, with a loud, booming voice that says "Hold on one minute there, Christy..." Unfortunately, God doesn't work that way. Or maybe He does, but with that still, small voice that I don't hear because I'm running off after my own wishes and desires.
You see, I do believe that the desires of my heart (serving God with my whole life, marriage, business - to name a few) are put there because of God's presence in my life, but I mess up, because I haven't fully let go of my idea of how He will bring those things about. I say I have let go of my ideals, but when the rubber meets the road and I have to wait on Him to show me exactly HOW He wants to bring those things into my life, I tend to jump to conclusions and start figuring out how He'll do it. Of course, I'm usually wrong. Oh how I wish I could truly learn to wait on Him. I think I'm getting better.
Right now, God has opened a door for me to be involved with a new ministry. Something I didn't see coming AT ALL but that is very exciting to me. Things are just developing, so there's not much to say, but I can say this - the potential impact of this ministry is incredible. I am so humbled that God would choose to use me to help bring this thing to life. I'm sure I'll be writing more about it. I'm just trying to practice waiting on God and not jump ahead before He gives the "ok!"
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