Be still...

That phrase has taken on a whole new meaning for me. I have always taken care of things, been able to fix what's broken, find a solution for the problem at hand...basically take care of myself and those in my care. Well this week has brought me face to face with the fact that sometimes, I just do not have an answer and can't do a thing about it.

My faithful car, that I've had for almost eight years, has given out on me. The transmission has to be replaced. The really bad news is that I do not have the funds to get it fixed and as a result of my bad financial choices and poor money-management skills, I can't get the money to fix it. I honestly have never been in this situation in my life...you know, where there seems to be no answer and no way out.

But let me tell you how good my God is - all of my needs for today have been met. This could be the lesson He's teaching me. Over the past few months, I have heard that still, small Voice whisper to me, and sometimes yell at me to "live in the moment." At the time, I couldn't really see, or didn't want to see what God was telling me, but I think I am being forced to live it right now.

I was talking to my friend tonight and she asked me how I was doing. I was about to throw a big pity-party about what I don't have when God gently reminded me that every need I had TODAY was met. So that's what I told her - every need I had today was met. I didn't miss a meal, I still have a great job, my house was still standing when I got home, I have this laptop I'm working on, my immediate family is well, and best of all - today I have a car to use to get where I need to go. Beyond that, my eternal life is secure, I am involved in three distinct areas of ministry to other people, and I believe that God is going to use every aspect of this situation to bring glory to Himself (which will make it all worthwhile) and possibly allow me to reach out to others who end up in the same predicament. What a blessing to think that the God of all creation wants to use me in His plan.

I will admit, it has been a struggle not to dwell on the negatives - what I don't have, how my past decisions have contributed to my current situation, how I don't see an answer to my problems....etc., etc. You get the idea. Satan loves to beat us when we're down and heap condemnation on our heads, but another friend of mine reminded me of God's love for me. He told me that if he, as a parent, can still desire to give things to his children, even when they've behaved horribly, how much more is my Father in heaven desiring to do the same for me. It's easy to forget God's grace and mercy when satan is reminding you of past failures. It's also easy to fall into the practice of thinking that our actions alone determine God's involvement in our lives. All day I've felt like there is no way God is going to work this out because I haven't "performed" right - I've "done things wrong", so to speak. I don't really know why I would think He is like that when I, a mere human, have been gracious to people when they didn't deserve it.

Anyway, all I know is that I have a peace that passes understanding. It makes no sense to me, but it does show me that what God's Word says is true -

Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Ever learning to be still...