If you had asked me at the beginning of the year what 2005 was going to look like for me, my answer would have been very different from the reality of my life today. Here's what I thought (in January, that is) the year would hold for me: I would right now be seriously involved with someone in a relationship (that has ended - and I don't want to be involved with anyone right now); working on how to prepare my family, friends and co-workers for the fact I would probably be moving out of state (that still could happen - although not anytime real soon); I would be building a business (that is still in progress - going slower than I expected, but I'm excited about the potential) and God would be doing some incredible things in and through me. Fortunately, that last thing is still happening in spite of me and my ideas!
It's funny how when God starts moving in my life, I just take the first hints of His handiwork and run with it - usually without really stopping to hear what He has to say about it. I wish God would stop me before I get started - you know, with a loud, booming voice that says "Hold on one minute there, Christy..." Unfortunately, God doesn't work that way. Or maybe He does, but with that still, small voice that I don't hear because I'm running off after my own wishes and desires.
You see, I do believe that the desires of my heart (serving God with my whole life, marriage, business - to name a few) are put there because of God's presence in my life, but I mess up, because I haven't fully let go of my idea of how He will bring those things about. I say I have let go of my ideals, but when the rubber meets the road and I have to wait on Him to show me exactly HOW He wants to bring those things into my life, I tend to jump to conclusions and start figuring out how He'll do it. Of course, I'm usually wrong. Oh how I wish I could truly learn to wait on Him. I think I'm getting better.
Right now, God has opened a door for me to be involved with a new ministry. Something I didn't see coming AT ALL but that is very exciting to me. Things are just developing, so there's not much to say, but I can say this - the potential impact of this ministry is incredible. I am so humbled that God would choose to use me to help bring this thing to life. I'm sure I'll be writing more about it. I'm just trying to practice waiting on God and not jump ahead before He gives the "ok!"
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Monday, May 23, 2005
About marriage
Today, I was pondering love, relationships and marriage. Having just ended a relationship with a guy, it's been on my mind some. :) As a quick aside, I must say - the ending to this relationship hasn't been nearly as bad as others I've experienced and best of all, I've grown so much (I think) as a person and in my relationship with Christ. There are a lot of good things that have come from the relationship and I'm glad for that.
Nevertheless, back to pondering marriage. I was driving along, thinking about what my expectations of marriage are - you know, a good relationship with God at the center, lots of love, great communication, having fun with each other, being able to enjoy life and work through the hard times, etc. - isn't that what everyone wants? Anyway, I had a thought bounce across my mind: What if God's plan for my life doesn't include that kind of marriage? What if I am supposed to marry someone who isn't all he could be and our relationship suffers because of it? What if God wants to use that to grow something in me (or him) for a greater purpose? What if God asked me to be like Hosea and marry someone who is unfaithful (not necessarily in a sexual way, but in a spiritual sense)? Would God be enough in my life to help me deal with that? Oh dear. It definitely put a new spin on things.
Something I've thought about a lot since the break-up is this: what if we give up on people too quickly? What if the other person is just about to break through to a new level and all they need is someone to hang in there with them? What if that other person needs another chance, or another 3 chances or even another 10 chances to get things right and we give up without even giving them a half-chance? Now, I'm not talking about giving a second chance to someone who is abusive or has serious issues that need dealing with. I'm talking about giving second chances to those who, like all of us, are struggling to find out just what it is God has called them to be or do and in the process of their growth, they really mess up and hurt people.
I don't have an answer. I know that it certainly is easier to just give up and walk away. Sometimes, that is exactly what needs to happen. But I wonder how often it really should happen. We are such a "microwave" generation. We want everything "NOW" and we want it perfect. All of life's problems on tv are fixed in 30 minutes, so when it takes weeks, months or maybe even years to deal with things in the real world, we get so impatient and throw in the towel....and I bet we often give up right on the verge of a major breakthrough or even a miracle.
Like I said, I do not have an answer. All I know is that this kind of thinking assures me that I need Christ at the front of my life so that I will make the right choices. I can't even imagine comtemplating marriage with someone without the benefit of Christ's direction and guidance. I don't know how non-believers make it. It seems hard enough even with God's help! At least I don't have to worry too much about it right now. :) Still waiting on God's man for me!
Nevertheless, back to pondering marriage. I was driving along, thinking about what my expectations of marriage are - you know, a good relationship with God at the center, lots of love, great communication, having fun with each other, being able to enjoy life and work through the hard times, etc. - isn't that what everyone wants? Anyway, I had a thought bounce across my mind: What if God's plan for my life doesn't include that kind of marriage? What if I am supposed to marry someone who isn't all he could be and our relationship suffers because of it? What if God wants to use that to grow something in me (or him) for a greater purpose? What if God asked me to be like Hosea and marry someone who is unfaithful (not necessarily in a sexual way, but in a spiritual sense)? Would God be enough in my life to help me deal with that? Oh dear. It definitely put a new spin on things.
Something I've thought about a lot since the break-up is this: what if we give up on people too quickly? What if the other person is just about to break through to a new level and all they need is someone to hang in there with them? What if that other person needs another chance, or another 3 chances or even another 10 chances to get things right and we give up without even giving them a half-chance? Now, I'm not talking about giving a second chance to someone who is abusive or has serious issues that need dealing with. I'm talking about giving second chances to those who, like all of us, are struggling to find out just what it is God has called them to be or do and in the process of their growth, they really mess up and hurt people.
I don't have an answer. I know that it certainly is easier to just give up and walk away. Sometimes, that is exactly what needs to happen. But I wonder how often it really should happen. We are such a "microwave" generation. We want everything "NOW" and we want it perfect. All of life's problems on tv are fixed in 30 minutes, so when it takes weeks, months or maybe even years to deal with things in the real world, we get so impatient and throw in the towel....and I bet we often give up right on the verge of a major breakthrough or even a miracle.
Like I said, I do not have an answer. All I know is that this kind of thinking assures me that I need Christ at the front of my life so that I will make the right choices. I can't even imagine comtemplating marriage with someone without the benefit of Christ's direction and guidance. I don't know how non-believers make it. It seems hard enough even with God's help! At least I don't have to worry too much about it right now. :) Still waiting on God's man for me!
Friday, May 13, 2005
I wonder...
What would happen if we as believers, instead of asking each other on Sunday, "How are you doing?" started asking "What has God done in your life this week?" or "How did you let God use you to minister to others this week?" or how about this one, "What did God speak to you through His word this week?"
I wonder....
What would happen if, when we went out into the streets to minister to the lowly and downtrodden, those bound by sin, we expected to see the same kind of miracles that happened in the New Testament? You know....people healed, demons cast out, people set free from sin...
I wonder....
What would life be like if we actually started walking in the power given to us by the Holy Spirit?
I think we would see some incredible things...the towns and cities in which we live would be turned upside down...people would call us fanatics...we would certainly face ridicule and persecution - you start seeing people healed and set free from addictions there are businesses that would suffer - some folks would lose a lot of money.
It would be interesting - no doubt about it. It would be exciting. It would be a challenge.
It would be awesome!
I wonder....
What would happen if, when we went out into the streets to minister to the lowly and downtrodden, those bound by sin, we expected to see the same kind of miracles that happened in the New Testament? You know....people healed, demons cast out, people set free from sin...
I wonder....
What would life be like if we actually started walking in the power given to us by the Holy Spirit?
I think we would see some incredible things...the towns and cities in which we live would be turned upside down...people would call us fanatics...we would certainly face ridicule and persecution - you start seeing people healed and set free from addictions there are businesses that would suffer - some folks would lose a lot of money.
It would be interesting - no doubt about it. It would be exciting. It would be a challenge.
It would be awesome!
"Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father." John 14:12
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Memorial stones
We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future, your children will ask, 'What do these stones mean to you?' Joshua 4:6
Are there certain smells or sounds that take you back to a good memory from your past? Or maybe even a bad memory? Perhaps a song on the radio or a phrase from a movie reminds you of a time and place that have special meaning to you. I don't think it is an accident that we have these triggers or memorial stones in our lives. God, in His divine wisdom, knew that we would have short-term memory...that we would get so caught up in our current situations and forget those good memories unless there was a way to be taken back to those times and places of special meaning.
Sometimes these memorial stones show up unexpectedly and bring a little sunshine to our day. Sometimes, we have to dig and search to find those memorial stones so that we can be reminded of the things God has done in our lives. Recently, my pastor shared about how something in his spirit he thought was lost to him was restored simply by going back and reading through passages in the King James Version of the Bible. He said it was like coming home. For him, reading those passages reminded him of a time in his life where God had moved in some powerful ways - it was a memorial stone that brought him back to God and refreshed him. It's been fun to watch the difference in him.
Over the past couple of days, I, too, have had a similar experience.
Music has always been the way I most worship God. It speaks to that deep part of my spirit that allows me to communicate with God in a way I just don't experience in prayer. Usually, when I'm having a hard time or just feel separated from God, I'll keep the praise and worship music going. The other day, I was discussing something with my friend, when she mentioned a song from a particular cd. The song is "Take Up Your Cross" and it was from the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir cd, "Live...We Come Rejoicing". I got that cd somewhere in the mid 90's and it was during a time of my life where I was growing in the Lord and really learning about Him. It was a good time. So when she mentioned the song, I immediately pulled out the cd and set it with my stuff so that I could listen to it at work the next day.
I listened to that cd (actually, I have two of their cd's so I listened to both of them) all day long. Immersing myself in that music reminded me of a time where God showed Himself faithful to me and helped me to finally let go of something that has been holding me back. I feel refreshed and energized in a way I haven't felt for quite some time.
I've learned a valuable lesson. I think it is great when we are reminded of God's faithfulness when we least expect it, but it is also very important to go back and find those memorial stones, or mile markers, from our journey of faith that force us to remember what God has done. I had forgotten some things...but by going back to this memorial stone from my life, I now remember. And now I feel like I'm going to break through to that next level that I've been unable to reach.
What memorial stones have been left on your journey of faith? Do you need to go back and visit them and be reminded of what God has done in your life? Don't get so caught up in the here and now and the destination you are killing yourself to get to, that you forget to reflect on where you've been. Those memorial stones are there for a reason.
Monday, May 09, 2005
Walkin' streets of gold...
The last of my great aunts and uncles (on my dad's side of the family) died last night. Aunt Claudia was a remarkable woman and lived a very interesting life. I will always and forever remember her because of one scripture: Numbers 6:24-26
Aunt Claudia put that scripture on every piece of correspondence she ever mailed me. I think I learned that scripture right after John 3:16. :) It holds a special place in my heart, because I always knew she was praying for me.
Over the past few years, she would always ask if I had met anyone special and was planning on getting married anytime soon. Of course, that hasn't happened yet, but I'm hoping that she'll put in a good word for me up there in heaven. (Just kidding!) I'm sure she's too busy loving on the One who gave her hope and peace throughout her life.
Aunt Claudia had a big impact on my spiritual life. When I was a young teenager, her granddaughter, Heather, and I, would spend the night with her in her cute two-bedroom apartment. We thought we were the stuff! :) I loved to go there, because we would sit up later than my usual bedtime, talking about life and Jesus and living for Him. She would tell stories of her life and how the only way she had made it was depending on her Savior. From stories I would hear later in life, it turns out she was, at times, a bit wild in her younger years and so had experienced some hard times in her life. But one thing that always stood out to me, from all the stories she told and the stories I heard later on - once she gave her life to Christ, she never looked back. Her faith in the Creator of the universe never faltered - oh, I'm sure she had struggles just like the rest of us - but she always knew that God was in control and He would take care of her and her family.
I will definitely miss that lady. I'm glad I got to spend some time with her last year - although I wish I had made more time for her. I knew that I would regret not getting to see her more, yet I still didn't make the time. But - I'm kind of glad. I can remember her as that spunky lady who didn't mince words and would love on you with everything within her. She was and still is an awesome testament to God's faithfulness. I only hope my life will reflect God in the same way.
I love you, Aunt Claudia! Hope you're having a blast with Jesus right now!
The LORD bless you, and keep you; The LORD make His face shine on you, and be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance on you, and give you peace.'
Aunt Claudia put that scripture on every piece of correspondence she ever mailed me. I think I learned that scripture right after John 3:16. :) It holds a special place in my heart, because I always knew she was praying for me.
Over the past few years, she would always ask if I had met anyone special and was planning on getting married anytime soon. Of course, that hasn't happened yet, but I'm hoping that she'll put in a good word for me up there in heaven. (Just kidding!) I'm sure she's too busy loving on the One who gave her hope and peace throughout her life.
Aunt Claudia had a big impact on my spiritual life. When I was a young teenager, her granddaughter, Heather, and I, would spend the night with her in her cute two-bedroom apartment. We thought we were the stuff! :) I loved to go there, because we would sit up later than my usual bedtime, talking about life and Jesus and living for Him. She would tell stories of her life and how the only way she had made it was depending on her Savior. From stories I would hear later in life, it turns out she was, at times, a bit wild in her younger years and so had experienced some hard times in her life. But one thing that always stood out to me, from all the stories she told and the stories I heard later on - once she gave her life to Christ, she never looked back. Her faith in the Creator of the universe never faltered - oh, I'm sure she had struggles just like the rest of us - but she always knew that God was in control and He would take care of her and her family.
I will definitely miss that lady. I'm glad I got to spend some time with her last year - although I wish I had made more time for her. I knew that I would regret not getting to see her more, yet I still didn't make the time. But - I'm kind of glad. I can remember her as that spunky lady who didn't mince words and would love on you with everything within her. She was and still is an awesome testament to God's faithfulness. I only hope my life will reflect God in the same way.
I love you, Aunt Claudia! Hope you're having a blast with Jesus right now!
Friday, April 22, 2005
Deeper still...
God is taking me to deeper levels. It is an interesting thing to experience. I'm always amazed at how He reinforces His message/lesson to me through His Word, other people, and things I read.
I've got a ton of things going through my mind, but haven't been able to put them into cogent, coherent thoughts. Hopefully, I'll have something of value to share soon. :)
I've got a ton of things going through my mind, but haven't been able to put them into cogent, coherent thoughts. Hopefully, I'll have something of value to share soon. :)
Friday, April 08, 2005
Change is in the air...
Have you ever had a sense that things are about to change? Well, I'm having that feeling right now. The question is this - is it just a wish or desire I have that things in my life would change because I want that or is the Holy Spirit giving me a heads up about future events? I feel restless, a little dissatisfied and very watchful, but I don't really know what is happening. Either way - I'm going to get ready.
If what I'm feeling is simply a desire I have, then that means I might make decisions that will bring about change. This could be good or bad - so I need to make sure I'm listening to God and being obedient to His will in my life.
On the other hand, if what I'm feeling is the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart, then I need to be prepared to deal with whatever is coming up. That also means being able to hear what God is saying and be obedient to His will.
The truth is, regardless of where the "feeling" is coming from, I realize I just need to trust God, listen to what He is saying and be obedient.
Something else I realized yesterday is this - I don't know as much as I think I do. Duh! It is easy to make assumptions about things when you are looking from one perspective, but that can be dangerous and lead to bad decisions. So, that's why I'm trying to be real cautious when it comes to this feeling of change. I'm only looking at things from what I see and know; God can see the whole picture, so I'm going to turn to Him for direction.
I only wish that trusting God - completely - wasn't such a struggle for me.
If what I'm feeling is simply a desire I have, then that means I might make decisions that will bring about change. This could be good or bad - so I need to make sure I'm listening to God and being obedient to His will in my life.
On the other hand, if what I'm feeling is the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart, then I need to be prepared to deal with whatever is coming up. That also means being able to hear what God is saying and be obedient to His will.
The truth is, regardless of where the "feeling" is coming from, I realize I just need to trust God, listen to what He is saying and be obedient.
Something else I realized yesterday is this - I don't know as much as I think I do. Duh! It is easy to make assumptions about things when you are looking from one perspective, but that can be dangerous and lead to bad decisions. So, that's why I'm trying to be real cautious when it comes to this feeling of change. I'm only looking at things from what I see and know; God can see the whole picture, so I'm going to turn to Him for direction.
I only wish that trusting God - completely - wasn't such a struggle for me.
Friday, April 01, 2005
Passion for God
I heard a sermon the other day in which the speaker asked the audience, "What are you passionate about?" She said that one way you could tell is to think about what it is that keeps you awake at night. What is the last thing on your mind when you go to sleep? I was so convicted by her words.
Most nights, even though God isn't far from my thoughts (because I'm usually talking to Him about my problems), He isn't usually the center of my thoughts. I can't remember the last time I laid awake, thinking about how good God is or how awesome He is. In fact, here lately, there haven't been many times where I have been consumed just by thoughts of God - I'm usually consumed with going to Him to help me in a desperate situation - more than likely one of my own creation!
I want that to change. I want God to be my focus. I want to be consumed by thoughts of who He is, and how great He is, how wonderful, and gracious, and mighty He is. So what I find myself doing these days is this: when I'm overwhelmed by that issue or issues that want to steal my joy and my focus from Christ, I'm choosing to concentrate on Him. It's not easy. There usually ends up being a back and forth struggle in my thoughts. But it sure is beginning to get easier to dwell on God and His greatness instead of the situation over which I have no control.
There is a song I've recently come to love. It is by Shane Barnard of "Shane & Shane". I really like their musical style. This song is especially relevant to this topic.
Most nights, even though God isn't far from my thoughts (because I'm usually talking to Him about my problems), He isn't usually the center of my thoughts. I can't remember the last time I laid awake, thinking about how good God is or how awesome He is. In fact, here lately, there haven't been many times where I have been consumed just by thoughts of God - I'm usually consumed with going to Him to help me in a desperate situation - more than likely one of my own creation!
I want that to change. I want God to be my focus. I want to be consumed by thoughts of who He is, and how great He is, how wonderful, and gracious, and mighty He is. So what I find myself doing these days is this: when I'm overwhelmed by that issue or issues that want to steal my joy and my focus from Christ, I'm choosing to concentrate on Him. It's not easy. There usually ends up being a back and forth struggle in my thoughts. But it sure is beginning to get easier to dwell on God and His greatness instead of the situation over which I have no control.
There is a song I've recently come to love. It is by Shane Barnard of "Shane & Shane". I really like their musical style. This song is especially relevant to this topic.
yearn
by shane barnard
holy design
this place in time
that i might seek and find my God
my God
Lord i want to yearn for You
i want to burn with passion
over You and only You
Lord i want to yearn
Your joy is mine
yet why am i fine
with all my singing and bringing grain
in light of Him
oh You give life and breath
through Him You give all things
in Him we live and move
that's why i sing
acts 17:25-28, hebrews 12:28-29
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
I'm glad March is almost over!
This has been a busy month. First I took a trip to Fort Worth - loved it, and can't wait to go back - and now I'm in LA - Lower Alabama, that is! :) I'm here for a staff retreat. Don't feel jealous - it's a working retreat - but we do have some free time tomorrow. I can't wait - I'm going to the beach to fly my kite! A friend gave me two kites for Christmas - they're big...the one I brought with me has a wing span of about 48" (I think) and it looks like a huge bird. It's really pretty. :) Anyway, I hope there is a really good breeze. I want it to fly for quite a while. :)
I'm tired - so I'm off to bed!
I'm tired - so I'm off to bed!
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Confession
Ok, I changed my mind. Actually, God convicted me and I had to change my mind. I un-subscribed from eHarmony. The main reason I did was because I didn't actually talk to God about my decision to join up - it was an impulsive decision.
The whole focus of my life is to honor and please God, and one way I want to do that is through my finances. That is the main reason I had to un-subscribe. I didn't really have the money to spend on it - joining eHarmony is not a "necessity" right now. There may come a day when I have the extra funds to do it again, but for now, I'm out. :)
The other reason I cancelled, as I mentioned, was because I made an impulsive decision. There were a lot of thoughts working in my mind that led me to do it, and after a couple of days of reflection, I realized my motivation wasn't right. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say, I was in it for the wrong reasons.
So, I'm back "off the market" - so to speak. Well, actually, I guess I'm not. As long as I'm trusting God, He will bring the right person into my life at just the right time. I can't wait to see how He works that all out. In the meantime, I'm going to continue to focus my attention on knowing God and allowing Him to direct my life as He sees fit. At the moment - He is opening some really cool doors, and I'm excited by what He is doing. There are going to be some awesome things happening - I just know it!
The whole focus of my life is to honor and please God, and one way I want to do that is through my finances. That is the main reason I had to un-subscribe. I didn't really have the money to spend on it - joining eHarmony is not a "necessity" right now. There may come a day when I have the extra funds to do it again, but for now, I'm out. :)
The other reason I cancelled, as I mentioned, was because I made an impulsive decision. There were a lot of thoughts working in my mind that led me to do it, and after a couple of days of reflection, I realized my motivation wasn't right. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say, I was in it for the wrong reasons.
So, I'm back "off the market" - so to speak. Well, actually, I guess I'm not. As long as I'm trusting God, He will bring the right person into my life at just the right time. I can't wait to see how He works that all out. In the meantime, I'm going to continue to focus my attention on knowing God and allowing Him to direct my life as He sees fit. At the moment - He is opening some really cool doors, and I'm excited by what He is doing. There are going to be some awesome things happening - I just know it!
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Oops, I did it again!
Ok, "oops" might not be the right thing to say. I knew full well what I was doing when I did it. I have joined eHarmony again...put myself "back on the market" so to speak...but just for six months. I'm excited to see who I might get the opportunity to meet.
The last time I was a member of eHarmony I was matched with a bunch of guys, but only met (face to face) two of them - one guy lives in the same town and is now engaged to another woman. He is a really nice guy and we are friends. (Hi, Al!) I'm excited for him and his fiancee. The other guy I just met for the first time last year (after talking off and on for 2 years). It seemed like it might work out well, but things just kind of fizzled out. I'm still puzzled over it.
Anyway, I felt like it was time to move on, but more importantly, I need the distraction. It will be fun to get new "matches" and have the opportunity to meet some guys. Even though there's an underlying thought of "Maybe I'll meet The One!", the truth is, I've only ever seen eHarmony as a way to meet and make new friends. (After all, aren't you supposed to be friends first?!?) The church I attend is not laden with single men and because of several commitments in my life, I don't have much opportunity to get out to meet guys (I DO NOT go to bars and the like - those are just not places I'd want to meet someone.)
The other thing is this - I truly am not "looking" for Mr. Right. I read an article on Crosswalk.com the other day that really spoke to me. The author of the article suggested that it is the guy's job to find a wife. The Bible says that "he who finds a wife finds a good thing..." (Proverbs 18:22) So what I'm doing right now is working on being the best "me" I can be. I am becoming the woman God has called me to be. I do believe that if I focus my attention on God and His plans for my life, He will allow my path to cross with the man who will be my husband. I'm just putting myself in a new "walkway" by joining up on eHarmony. :) Hehehe.
Seriously though - it is going to be fun. I am looking forward to the new friendships I will form. Who knows, I might need to meet one of these guys not for myself, but for one of my other single girlfriends! (I have a bunch of them!) How cool would that be?!?
The last time I was a member of eHarmony I was matched with a bunch of guys, but only met (face to face) two of them - one guy lives in the same town and is now engaged to another woman. He is a really nice guy and we are friends. (Hi, Al!) I'm excited for him and his fiancee. The other guy I just met for the first time last year (after talking off and on for 2 years). It seemed like it might work out well, but things just kind of fizzled out. I'm still puzzled over it.
Anyway, I felt like it was time to move on, but more importantly, I need the distraction. It will be fun to get new "matches" and have the opportunity to meet some guys. Even though there's an underlying thought of "Maybe I'll meet The One!", the truth is, I've only ever seen eHarmony as a way to meet and make new friends. (After all, aren't you supposed to be friends first?!?) The church I attend is not laden with single men and because of several commitments in my life, I don't have much opportunity to get out to meet guys (I DO NOT go to bars and the like - those are just not places I'd want to meet someone.)
The other thing is this - I truly am not "looking" for Mr. Right. I read an article on Crosswalk.com the other day that really spoke to me. The author of the article suggested that it is the guy's job to find a wife. The Bible says that "he who finds a wife finds a good thing..." (Proverbs 18:22) So what I'm doing right now is working on being the best "me" I can be. I am becoming the woman God has called me to be. I do believe that if I focus my attention on God and His plans for my life, He will allow my path to cross with the man who will be my husband. I'm just putting myself in a new "walkway" by joining up on eHarmony. :) Hehehe.
Seriously though - it is going to be fun. I am looking forward to the new friendships I will form. Who knows, I might need to meet one of these guys not for myself, but for one of my other single girlfriends! (I have a bunch of them!) How cool would that be?!?
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Dry spell
I hate when this happens. I seem to get quiet when I'm not hearing a lot from God. (Of course, I was out of town for five days, but that's neither here nor there!) Things are quiet right now from Him, too. I'm still hearing "WAIT". *sigh* I don't like it, but I'm trying to get to the place where I enjoy the waiting.
You know, the other day I made a comment to myself about someone....that he is all about the "destination" - getting where he's going - and not the journey and that he was going to miss some things along the way. Turns out, I am guilty of doing the same thing. It's so easy to point fingers, isn't it? I didn't think that I was doing that, but all day today I've been struggling with myself over a certain issue - I want to know how it is all going to turn out. Basically, I want to get to the destination...the end result. Of course, as my focus remains on that end point, I'm sure there is plenty that is passing right on by me. I'm sure what I'm missing most is the still, small voice of God calling out to me, which I don't hear well because of my own moaning and complaining. God, forgive me!
So the immediate result of my lack of focus is that I am not living that abundant life I wrote about in my last post. It is my own fault - no one else's. I'm just glad God is getting through so that I can re-focus my attention and live in that abundant life He has planned for me.
You know, the other day I made a comment to myself about someone....that he is all about the "destination" - getting where he's going - and not the journey and that he was going to miss some things along the way. Turns out, I am guilty of doing the same thing. It's so easy to point fingers, isn't it? I didn't think that I was doing that, but all day today I've been struggling with myself over a certain issue - I want to know how it is all going to turn out. Basically, I want to get to the destination...the end result. Of course, as my focus remains on that end point, I'm sure there is plenty that is passing right on by me. I'm sure what I'm missing most is the still, small voice of God calling out to me, which I don't hear well because of my own moaning and complaining. God, forgive me!
So the immediate result of my lack of focus is that I am not living that abundant life I wrote about in my last post. It is my own fault - no one else's. I'm just glad God is getting through so that I can re-focus my attention and live in that abundant life He has planned for me.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Living with abandon
"I have come that they might have life, and have it more abundantly." John 10:10
I love the fact that God is a persistent lover of my soul. So many things are becoming clear to me, but what is shouting out to me from reviewing my thoughts and feelings and ideas is the fact that God is pursuing me! "O Love that will not let me go." I've heard that many times and always felt like I didn't get it - and I didn't - until now. He is so awesome! He does not leave me alone - and I am glad. So very glad.
The thoughs my pastor shared with us today seem to just fit right in with the lesson of my life - trusting God. He was talking about what is required to realize miracles in our lives and used the example of Peter praying for Tabitha (Acts 9) and her coming back to life. He made several points, but the one that really spoke to me was this: Peter took a chance. After he had cleared the room of everyone, and remembered what he had seen Jesus do, Peter took a chance and did exactly as Christ did. He probably had thoughts like: "What will happen if this doesn't work?" "What will people think?" "Jesus, don't fail me now!" But it didn't stop him from going ahead and uttering the words, "Tabitha, get up!" The result was this - a woman was raised from the dead.
The whole idea of "taking a chance" has been something hovering around the edges of my consciousness for a while. I touched on it a bit in my previous post. Today it has become clear to me that the people who take chances are usually the ones who may fail big, but they more than likely "make it" big. They accomplish miracles. They see amazing things. They live life with abandon. No holds barred. Life is never dull for these people. I want to be and have that.
As I was driving home from church, I was reminded by the Holy Spirit that I've often prayed for a marriage that is above average - something special and not ordinary. What I was really praying for (and didn't realize it until now) was that I want a life (not just a marriage) that is above average....extraordinary. I don't want the run-of-the-mill life. I want that abundant life Christ talks about. I want to live with total and complete abandon.
So beginning today, I am deciding to choose the options that lead to a life of wild abandon in Christ. I know I can trust my heavenly Father to be there with me. In fact, He'll be there running beside me. He'll be the one running ahead of me, calling out to me to "come this way!" He'll play "hide and seek" with me so that I will continue to search for Him - but I know I will find Him, because He's told me so. This will probably mean my decisions will drive people crazy. They won't understand or they'll tell me I'm making a wrong choice. It won't matter. My life is in God's hands - not theirs. I trust Him.
Here's to living with abandon....I'm believing it will be an interesting experience!
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Trusting God
For the first time, I really feel like I actually shared something of real value with the kids in my youth group. Our topic tonight was trusting God - the apparant object lesson of my life for the past six months. I guess that's why I feel like I actually did some good tonight. I really connected - I could tell it in the eyes of one of the kids. Do you know how awesome it is to see a teenager wrestling with the great truths of God's Word and how to apply those truths to their lives? Wow...I'm still amazed that God wants to use me for this.
I just love how God makes Himself known to me - even more - when I share with others the lessons I've learned. One of the most valuable lessons I've learned, came from my best friend - we usually know the answer to the question we're dealing with way deep down inside, but it sometimes doesn't come to the surface until we are talking to someone else about it. That sort of thing happened for me tonight.
I told the group that it isn't enough to simply say we trust - there has to be action behind it. Our scripture reference was Mark 2:1-11 - the story of the four men who dug through the roof to get their paralyzed friend to Jesus. They didn't just tell their friend, "Hey man, Jesus can heal you! I believe it, and you should too!!" No, they did whatever it took to get him to Jesus. They didn't let excuses stop them - "If we break their roof, how are we going to fix it?" "How in the world are we going to get him up to the roof - I'm not strong enough?" "What will these people think?" They did WHATEVER IT TOOK to get that man to Jesus. I posed the question to my youth, "What are you willing to do to get to Jesus for your answer?" Of course, as I'm challenging them, the Holy Spirit is working in me. Many of my struggles from the past few weeks, suddenly dimmed or disappeared in the light of that question. "What am I willing to do to get to Jesus and trust Him for my answer?" Am I willing to bear pain, sorrow, a lack of understanding the circumstances I'm in, fear of the unknown, or even a fear that I won't get what I want? Isn't that last one a crazy question? "....that I won't get what I want?" Don't I want God's will for my life? And if so, don't I trust that scripture in Jeremiah 29 that says His plans are "not to harm me" but "to give me a future and a hope"?
This past week has definitely been a soul-searching one. I absolutely trust God with every aspect of my life. Have for some time. It's just that now I'm having to put some action with that faith and walk out that trust minute by minute. It hasn't been easy, and it is by no means over, but already I can see that God is working in me. I believe I will be stronger and more sure in my faith-walk. Perhaps I will need that confidence and strength for another day, and it will be exactly what I need because it was tried in the fire of today.
I just love how God makes Himself known to me - even more - when I share with others the lessons I've learned. One of the most valuable lessons I've learned, came from my best friend - we usually know the answer to the question we're dealing with way deep down inside, but it sometimes doesn't come to the surface until we are talking to someone else about it. That sort of thing happened for me tonight.
I told the group that it isn't enough to simply say we trust - there has to be action behind it. Our scripture reference was Mark 2:1-11 - the story of the four men who dug through the roof to get their paralyzed friend to Jesus. They didn't just tell their friend, "Hey man, Jesus can heal you! I believe it, and you should too!!" No, they did whatever it took to get him to Jesus. They didn't let excuses stop them - "If we break their roof, how are we going to fix it?" "How in the world are we going to get him up to the roof - I'm not strong enough?" "What will these people think?" They did WHATEVER IT TOOK to get that man to Jesus. I posed the question to my youth, "What are you willing to do to get to Jesus for your answer?" Of course, as I'm challenging them, the Holy Spirit is working in me. Many of my struggles from the past few weeks, suddenly dimmed or disappeared in the light of that question. "What am I willing to do to get to Jesus and trust Him for my answer?" Am I willing to bear pain, sorrow, a lack of understanding the circumstances I'm in, fear of the unknown, or even a fear that I won't get what I want? Isn't that last one a crazy question? "....that I won't get what I want?" Don't I want God's will for my life? And if so, don't I trust that scripture in Jeremiah 29 that says His plans are "not to harm me" but "to give me a future and a hope"?
This past week has definitely been a soul-searching one. I absolutely trust God with every aspect of my life. Have for some time. It's just that now I'm having to put some action with that faith and walk out that trust minute by minute. It hasn't been easy, and it is by no means over, but already I can see that God is working in me. I believe I will be stronger and more sure in my faith-walk. Perhaps I will need that confidence and strength for another day, and it will be exactly what I need because it was tried in the fire of today.
Friday, March 04, 2005
How Great is Our God
song by Chris Tomlin
The splendor of a King
Clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice
He wraps Himself in light
And darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice
Chorus-
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God
Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end
The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb
Bridge-
Name above all names
Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God
I love this song. God makes Himself known to me in new ways each day. I have learned much about knowing Him and just being with Him over the past three weeks. Even though circumstances aren't any different, and I still don't know the outcome of things, I KNOW He is in control and has everything in hand.
I can't imagine trying to live without God's presence in my life.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Monday, February 28, 2005
I'm getting better...
At hearing God's voice.
All day yesterday, and most of today, I was wrestling over a situation in my life. I just wanted answers to some questions. Of course, I wanted said answers "right now"!
Now, I've been down this road several times already (a couple of times in the past two weeks, as a matter of fact!) This road has a name...it's called "Waiting Way". God repeatedly reminds me to "be still and know that I am God." I think I've got the "know that I am God" part down, it's that "be still" part that trips me up. On second thought, maybe I don't have the first part down - if I did, then it would be easy to be still. Right? Hmmm.....something to think about, that's for sure.
Anyway, the reason for my struggle was because I was trying to figure out the resolution to the situation. How, when, and where it was going to be resolved. I had taken the reins, again, and was trying to figure out what's going to happen. (I don't know why I do this - it always causes me trouble!) Instead of simply trusting God with the situation, I was trying to control it - in my mind at least. (Fortunately, I hadn't acted on any of my thoughts and "plans"!)
So today, I'm chatting online with a friend when all of a sudden, as I'm typing a response to her, God shows me clearly that my struggle has been me. I was thinking it was the situation and circumstances, but in reality, I simply had picked the thing back up and God hadn't told me I could. I clearly heard Him speak to my heart - "Are you going to give me the time I need to take care of this?" Yikes! I immediately said, "YES! I don't want to get ahead of you, God! Please, take all the time you need to work in this situation - just give me what I need as I wait on You!" It was amazing the peace and calm that came over me. I always know when I'm walking in God's will - the inner turmoil stops and incredible peace overwhelms me.
I just wish I would always keep myself here in this place. That I would never doubt or wonder "when" or "how" or "where" or even "why" when I know what He has already spoken to me.
*sigh*
I do think, however, that I am learning to hear God more quickly than before and therefore I don't struggle quite as long. I just hope I keep getting better at hearing the Father's voice! I'm sure going to try!
All day yesterday, and most of today, I was wrestling over a situation in my life. I just wanted answers to some questions. Of course, I wanted said answers "right now"!
Now, I've been down this road several times already (a couple of times in the past two weeks, as a matter of fact!) This road has a name...it's called "Waiting Way". God repeatedly reminds me to "be still and know that I am God." I think I've got the "know that I am God" part down, it's that "be still" part that trips me up. On second thought, maybe I don't have the first part down - if I did, then it would be easy to be still. Right? Hmmm.....something to think about, that's for sure.
Anyway, the reason for my struggle was because I was trying to figure out the resolution to the situation. How, when, and where it was going to be resolved. I had taken the reins, again, and was trying to figure out what's going to happen. (I don't know why I do this - it always causes me trouble!) Instead of simply trusting God with the situation, I was trying to control it - in my mind at least. (Fortunately, I hadn't acted on any of my thoughts and "plans"!)
So today, I'm chatting online with a friend when all of a sudden, as I'm typing a response to her, God shows me clearly that my struggle has been me. I was thinking it was the situation and circumstances, but in reality, I simply had picked the thing back up and God hadn't told me I could. I clearly heard Him speak to my heart - "Are you going to give me the time I need to take care of this?" Yikes! I immediately said, "YES! I don't want to get ahead of you, God! Please, take all the time you need to work in this situation - just give me what I need as I wait on You!" It was amazing the peace and calm that came over me. I always know when I'm walking in God's will - the inner turmoil stops and incredible peace overwhelms me.
I just wish I would always keep myself here in this place. That I would never doubt or wonder "when" or "how" or "where" or even "why" when I know what He has already spoken to me.
*sigh*
I do think, however, that I am learning to hear God more quickly than before and therefore I don't struggle quite as long. I just hope I keep getting better at hearing the Father's voice! I'm sure going to try!
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Open doors
I am continuously amazed at how God blesses me. There are so many doors opening to me these days. Just when it looked like a major door was slamming shut, He has stepped right in and is carrying me in a different direction. How awesome is our God? I can't wait to see where He takes me. It will be good if I will just stay out of the way.
There is an inner struggle still taking place. I wish I could just switch some thoughts and feelings off. I know that waiting on God is the best action, but sometimes I just allow myself to get ahead of Him and ask, "Ok, when will it be over?" or "How long will it take to get an answer!??!" One thing I know, His timing is always just right. Even when it seems like it is almost too late. :) I just have to remind myself of what I know - what the Word says about God and what I know from my own personal relationship with Him. I know it is all going to be ok.
In other news - I'll be going to Fort Worth in a week and a half. I'm so excited! I'll be meeting up with some new friends and attending a conference that will be an incredible experience. I can hardly wait! If anyone has some suggestions of what is fun to do there - you know some hole-in-the-wall restaurants that are a MUST or places to visit that I shouldn't miss - please let me know! I bought a city map of Fort Worth today and another booklet of things to see in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.
I was in Dallas about 15 years ago for a youth conference. All I remember is the hotel we stayed in - it has the rotating restaurant right next to it (I think it was a Peachtree Hotel then) and going by the "Grassy Knoll". We didn't get to linger too long, but it was neat to be in a place where a major historical event happened. I may try to get back over there to look around. It will be different now that I'm 31 instead of 16 - especially since I have a much more in depth knowledge of history and politics. I've always loved history.
Anyway, I'm so excited about my trip. It will be a neat vacation for me and a very interesting experience. I'll be the only person there that I know well! :) Ahhh....another opportunity for growth....step outside of what I know...live on the edge a bit. :) I can hardly wait!
There is an inner struggle still taking place. I wish I could just switch some thoughts and feelings off. I know that waiting on God is the best action, but sometimes I just allow myself to get ahead of Him and ask, "Ok, when will it be over?" or "How long will it take to get an answer!??!" One thing I know, His timing is always just right. Even when it seems like it is almost too late. :) I just have to remind myself of what I know - what the Word says about God and what I know from my own personal relationship with Him. I know it is all going to be ok.
In other news - I'll be going to Fort Worth in a week and a half. I'm so excited! I'll be meeting up with some new friends and attending a conference that will be an incredible experience. I can hardly wait! If anyone has some suggestions of what is fun to do there - you know some hole-in-the-wall restaurants that are a MUST or places to visit that I shouldn't miss - please let me know! I bought a city map of Fort Worth today and another booklet of things to see in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.
I was in Dallas about 15 years ago for a youth conference. All I remember is the hotel we stayed in - it has the rotating restaurant right next to it (I think it was a Peachtree Hotel then) and going by the "Grassy Knoll". We didn't get to linger too long, but it was neat to be in a place where a major historical event happened. I may try to get back over there to look around. It will be different now that I'm 31 instead of 16 - especially since I have a much more in depth knowledge of history and politics. I've always loved history.
Anyway, I'm so excited about my trip. It will be a neat vacation for me and a very interesting experience. I'll be the only person there that I know well! :) Ahhh....another opportunity for growth....step outside of what I know...live on the edge a bit. :) I can hardly wait!
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Your love is amazing...
Hallelujah (Your Love Makes Me Sing)
Brenton Brown, Brian Doerksen
Your love is amazing, steady and unchanging
Your love is a mountain, firm beneath my feet
Your love is a mystery, how you gently lift me
When I am surrounded, your love carries me
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, your love makes me sing
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, your love makes me sing
Your love is surprising, I can feel it rising
All the joy that's growing deep inside of me
Every time I see you, all your goodness shines through
And I can feel this God song, rising up in me
Yes, you make me sing
Lord, you make me sing, sing, sing
How you make me sing
I love this song. Today it is my song and my heart. Today, God's love is enough.
Woohoo!!!
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