Wednesday, October 15, 2003

If only...

Have you ever been somewhere, and a person of the opposite sex walks into the room and so captivates your attention that you lose yourself for a moment (or two, or three....)? That happened to me today.

I was at my friend's office (I was just dropping something off to her) and this guy walks in for a meeting with someone else in her office. Well, when he walked in, I was just knocked over - so to speak. He is an attractive man and the first thing I thought was, "Lord, please let him be single!" Of course, the first thing I look for is a ring on that fourth finger of his left hand and lo and behold, it is naked! I'm thinking, this is good. Well, introductions were made and he asks me if I attended a particular college. I knew he looked vaguely familiar, so when he said he had also attended that school, that explained it. So he goes into the other office and then a few seconds later comes back out. When I introduced myself to him, I mentioned that I work for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. He had come back out to ask me how he could get involved with FCA, so I told him I could get him some more information about it. He said ok and went back into the other office for his meeting.

Meanwhile, I'm standing there, praying to God that he is single. I mean, I've never been this rattled by meeting someone. It is very strange. Anyway, my friend gives me a piece of paper so I can write my name and office number down to give to this guy, so he can call me to get more info about FCA. When I finished, I jokingly said, "I'm leaving now, so when you give this to him, ask him if he's married. If he's not, tell him to call me!!!" We laughed at that (although I was dead serious) and then she proceeded to show me something on her computer.

All the while I'm standing at her desk, I'm thinking I need to get out of there before I do or say something stupid. Before too much longer, his meeting is over, so he comes back out and stands there and talks to the both of us for a minute. He then asks me where I went to high school. It turns out, not only did we go to the same college, but we had both attended the same high school. He graduated the year before I did. This explained further why he was familiar to me.

We were having a great conversation (I can tell he is a genuinely nice guy and committed to Christ). I couldn't remember much about him from high school (although, the more I think about it, I'm beginning to remember some things. i.e., he was a really nice guy in high school, too!) The good news is - he's a Christian! He shared a little bit about what God had done in his life and that was cool. The bad news is - he is separated from his wife (has been for a year) and has a four year old daughter. I was so disappointed!!!! I won't lie about it. He wants to reconcile with his wife, which is great! That is God's will, I know. At the same time, he said he is just trusting the Lord for his life and if it was God's will for someone else to come into his life, he was ok with that.

I'll say it again - I was disappointed. Here lately, I've really been thinking about dating and relationships and have begun to pray regularly for my future husband (whoever he might be), so the whole idea of meeting someone has been on my mind. I was rather startled at the intense reaction I had to this guy - it wasn't just a physical response like "oh my goodness, he's hot!" There was also a strong desire to want to know more about him. I don't think I've ever experienced that before. It got worse the more we talked, because he really has a great personality and I could tell he would be the type of guy I would definitely date.

So I left my friend's office (after he left) and start talking to God. Of course the most obvious argument I present to Him is "Why couldn't he have met me before his wife?" I immediately know the answer to that - God gently reminds me: "Do you remember who you were 7 years ago and what you've learned since then?"

"I know!" Then I proceed to throw a short pity party just a bit before I really get a hold of myself and begin to thank God that He knows what's best for me. I finally give it up and tell Him that I trust Him for bringing the right person into my life at the right time. I know He will. I just get impatient.

Nevertheless, this whole episode has caused me to consider what I would do if I met someone who was divorced and had a child. I don't think I would have as much a problem with dating a man who had been married and had no children with his first wife, especially if the guy was a dedicated Christian and had done everything in his power to try and reconcile. But to consider someone who was married and had a child....I just don't know. This guy would make me wonder about it (if he were available and were interested in me, that is!)

To any of you reading this who are divorced or are in a situation similar to this, please don't think this is a judgment on you or your life. I'm just writing about my feelings and experiences. I know that there are certain things I don't want, and until God changes my mind, that's the way I feel. Being involved with someone who is divorced with children is one of those things I don't think I could do. But - I'm not sure.

I'm just glad that God is in control. I truly trust Him for this area of my life and can't wait to see what He brings about. I'm just keeping my eyes and ears open, so that when He directs, I will follow!

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