Monday, August 25, 2003

Back to normal...

Well, now that I've got our "house" website up, I'll try to keep my comments here to what's happening in my life.

As you may have gathered from some of my posts - I'm single (I don't have an "About Me" page yet). I've gotten to a place in my walk with Christ that should I never get married, I will be ok. Really... I will. I want to get married, but I want to know Christ more. One thing I know is this: before I ever get married, there are some things God wants me to deal with and work out. I'm in the process of doing that. Or at least trying to.

The other day, I was pondering this place that I am in and realized that I have a serious weakness when it comes to self-discipline and self-denial (which tend to go hand in hand.) I don't know about you, but I have a hard time denying myself the things I want. I'm just talking about the small stuff - a book, cd, dinner at a specific restaurant, a program on tv, a movie that's playing - stuff like that.

I was driving home from somewhere, and it was as if God spoke to me..."if you don't have control over simple desires (like giving in to buying a book or outfit when I don't really have the money), what kind of control will you have when you get into a relationship?" Yikes! As we all know, in relationships of any kind, there are times you have to deny yourself to keep peace or sacrifice something to please the other person. If we're going to live our lives as the Bible teaches, we are to "be devoted to one another in brotherly love, honoring one another above ourselves." (Romans 12:10) In order to "honor" someone above myself, I have to give up my own selfish wants and desires.

It dawned on me that I have not even been doing a good job of that in my relationship with Christ. Christ is perfect....He is understanding....He is infinetly patient....and loves unconditionally. Even though I know it sorrows Him when I don't give up something I should to spend time with Him, He can handle it. How in the world am I going to have a good relationship - with someone who is imperfect, not always understanding or patient and who may not love unconditionally all the time - if I don't deny myself or have self-control or exercise some self-discipline? My selfishness can and would be a stumbling block to our relationship. (And vice versa!)

Needless to say, that's been some food for thought for several days. I'm not even dating anyone, but this relationship business is hard work!

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