A struggle

I should have known it would come. My attitude, emotions and all that stuff have been on a "high" since seeing "The Passion of The Christ". I have been renewed and re-focused and I'm extremely glad....I've been learning so much about Christ.

But...

Yesterday, living in the real world struck home. For some time now, I've truly been content as a single person. My heart's desire is to know Christ and that's what I've been working on. I believe that's what God has been leading me to do - to know Christ as I've never known Him before - so that when I do meet "the one" I'll already be depending on Christ for all of my needs and not put that burden on my husband. So, I've been content to not be dating anyone.

But yesterday, I was almost to the point of being depressed because I'm not dating anyone. There were several things I experienced yesterday that started me thinking along those lines, so I know why I ended up being near-depressed.

In the past, when I would start down this slippery slope, I'd allow myself to dwell on the thoughts and start feeling sorry for myself. Then to "escape", I would go find a romance novel to read. Silly, isn't it? But not now. Yesterday, I was about to start the self-pity thing when I realized I didn't have to do that. I asked Jesus to meet that need in me right now. I believe He has given me the desire to one day be married. It's just not His plan for me right now. And I know that.

I wish I could say that I was "over" the feelings and emotions I was dealing with right away. This morning I'm still having to give that over to Christ. But isn't that the way it works with anything we have to overcome to be in Christ's will? I am overwhelmed by His love and I know it will all work out. I'm just having to do that "die daily" thing, which is hard. I believe He's trying to take me to a deeper level in my walk, so this is just some of the adjustment of being in a new place. Much like an airplane experiences turbulence when changing altitudes. I'm looking forward to where He's leading me.