Wish I had a few more days

Yes, I'm back, but not quite ready to get back to the usual grind. :)

My visit to Southern Illinois was quite interesting. I accused my roommate of driving me around for 6 1/2 hours and taking me to a small town somewhere in the south. Those folks were more "southern" and "country" than I am!!! It was wild. In more ways than one. Suffice it to say, I'm glad to be home. :)

I've got some thoughts floating around in my mind, but haven't had the time to pull them into a cogent post.

One thought I will leave with you - if we do not keep ourselves focused on Jesus, we won't be able to resist temptation. I've learned of some things this week that have just reinforced that fact in my mind. I believe God is just reminding me that I need to trust Him for my every need. I can't do that unless I look to Him for everything. I need to go to Him first for every decision I make - including those small decisions (like whether or not I should buy another book or cd). I believe that when I learn to trust Him with the small stuff, the big stuff will be easy. I haven't mastered this, but I'm learning.

A struggle

I should have known it would come. My attitude, emotions and all that stuff have been on a "high" since seeing "The Passion of The Christ". I have been renewed and re-focused and I'm extremely glad....I've been learning so much about Christ.

But...

Yesterday, living in the real world struck home. For some time now, I've truly been content as a single person. My heart's desire is to know Christ and that's what I've been working on. I believe that's what God has been leading me to do - to know Christ as I've never known Him before - so that when I do meet "the one" I'll already be depending on Christ for all of my needs and not put that burden on my husband. So, I've been content to not be dating anyone.

But yesterday, I was almost to the point of being depressed because I'm not dating anyone. There were several things I experienced yesterday that started me thinking along those lines, so I know why I ended up being near-depressed.

In the past, when I would start down this slippery slope, I'd allow myself to dwell on the thoughts and start feeling sorry for myself. Then to "escape", I would go find a romance novel to read. Silly, isn't it? But not now. Yesterday, I was about to start the self-pity thing when I realized I didn't have to do that. I asked Jesus to meet that need in me right now. I believe He has given me the desire to one day be married. It's just not His plan for me right now. And I know that.

I wish I could say that I was "over" the feelings and emotions I was dealing with right away. This morning I'm still having to give that over to Christ. But isn't that the way it works with anything we have to overcome to be in Christ's will? I am overwhelmed by His love and I know it will all work out. I'm just having to do that "die daily" thing, which is hard. I believe He's trying to take me to a deeper level in my walk, so this is just some of the adjustment of being in a new place. Much like an airplane experiences turbulence when changing altitudes. I'm looking forward to where He's leading me.

Back home for a while

Well, I'm back....but just for a while. :)

Got home Tuesday afternoon and have been running ever since! Yesterday was so busy. I'm always amazed at how much stuff doesn't get done when I'm out of the office for a couple of days. What's crazy is this - all of our staff was together, so it's not like they were in the office generating work for me.

So....today I'll be catching up and trying to get a little ahead. I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon to go "home" with my roommate. She's from Illinois and we're going to visit her family for a few days. This will definitely be an interesting experience....southern girl goes to southern Illinois. :) We'll be back on Monday.

It's a beautiful day!

God is good! All the time!
All the time! God is good!

Can you tell I'm excited about my Jesus? :)

We had a beautiful day yesterday for our poker run. There were only 20 participants, but we made some new connections and met many new people. It was awesome! I wish I already had a motorcycle. *sigh*

Anyway, we had a fabulous time in church this morning. It's the first Sunday of the month, so we had Fellowship Dinner right after service and it was good! I must say, I'm a part of an incredible body of believers. I wish everyone could experience what we have. It truly is a God thing! Only He could have brought such a mix of people together in once place. I am always excited to be around my extended "family".

I'm leaving this afternoon to go to Tuscaloosa, AL for a regional staff meeting. Unfortunately, the hotel we'll be in doesn't have internet access (what's wrong with this world!) so I probably won't be back on until Tuesday. God is probably wanting me to be off this thing for a while anyway. :) I'm looking forward to being with our other staff. We always have a blast when we get together, but anytime you get people together who love Jesus, it's a good thing. I know I'll be blessed....well, I already am blessed!

One other thing before I'm outta here: this Thursday will be my One-Year Blogiversary. I'm so excited about that! I've met some really nice people through having a blog and to all of you who read my posts - "THANK YOU!!!!!" I'm trying to think of something special to post of that day. We'll see....it's going to be a busy week.

I can't believe I'm still up

Here it is 2am again, and I am awake. Something must be wrong with me.

Actually, I got involved with downloading some music and time just went by swiftly. Plus, I've been washing clothes and my dog. :) I'm insane, though. Our Motorcycle Ministry is hosting a "Poker Run" tomorrow. It is a fundraiser. I'm excited, since this is our first big event. Here's a brief run-down on a poker run:

Any biker is welcome to participate. They start at a designated location and register, pay their entry fee (which is $10) and get the form they need to record their "hand". There are a total of five stops at various places around the city. At each stop, members of our group will be there with a bag containing a deck of cards. Each biker selects a card from the bag. We then record which card the pulled and then they move on to the next stop. At the last stop, everyone's "hand" will be compared and the person with the best "hand" will win. The rules for winning are based on 5-card stud poker with no wild cards. Whoever wins, gets 1/2 of the total money collected for the event. I'm not sure if we have a 2nd or 3rd place....if so, the 1/2 of the "Winner's Take" gets divided among the top three. (It's 2 am, so I'm not real clear on details right now.)

Now, some of you may be shocked that a ministry is hosting a "Poker Run". I think it's a fabulous idea! How else will we be able to reach out to those who don't know Christ? There are men (and women) who are hard-core bikers that will participate in this type of an event. The whole point is it's fun, they get to ride and possibly win some cash. On our side of the coin, there is a tremendous opportunity to begin the process of building relationships with people who need to know Christ. Who wouldn't want to participate?

I'll be sure to update you on what happens. :)

More thoughts on Jesus

I did it again. I went to see "The Passion of The Christ" again tonight. Whew. I'm telling you, God is going to do something among His people through that movie. I just believe it.

This time as I watched it, I was able to think more about the film and about Jesus and what His sacrifice really means. The first time you see the film, you are so overwhelmed with what's taking place, you can't really think about it. It is really an emotionally taxing experience the first time around. However, I think that is a good thing. It certainly helped to ignite a new passion in me.

Anyway, on to tonight....as I was watching the movie, I was again overwhelmed with the question of "Why?" Why would the God of all creation bother? What is it about us that caused Him to willingly send His Son to suffer so that we might live in eternity with Him - in spite of the fact that we have rejected Him and will continue to fail Him? I must admit, I still can't get my mind around that. If it were me, I wouldn't have created Adam and Eve in the first place! (Aren't you glad I'm not God?)

As I was (and still am) pondering this, I realized that I don't have a clue what love is. God's love is what motivated Him to offer Jesus as a sacrifice for our sins. That kind of love certainly doesn't fit into my understanding of what love is. To me, I guess it has always been about the "good feeling" - whether it's a good feeling about that special someone or around family and friends. But God's love isn't about a feeling. It's about a choice.

I'm sure as Christ was being beaten, spit upon, mocked, insulted, humiliated and tortured, He didn't "feel" like being there. At any time, He could have gotten up from that whipping post or come down off the cross and said "forget it!!" But He didn't. As Max Lucado writes, "Jesus himself chose the nails." Revelation 13:8 tells us that Jesus is "the Lamb who was killed before the world was made." Before He spoke creation into existence, He knew He would have to die to redeem it. How many of us could make that kind of choice? As I said, I still can't get my mind around it.

It does make me want to give my everything to Him. It's the least I can do. And not to try and repay Him, for I could never do that. I want to give Him my everything simply to worship Him and thank Him for what He did.

As I was driving home, I called a good friend of mine to talk about the movie and Jesus' sacrifice. We got to comparing notes about our lives over the past couple of weeks, and for both of us, it seems like everything we've read or listened to is pointing to Christ. I've talked with other people about this as well and the same is true for them. As a Christian, this should have been my focus all along, I know, but over the past week or so, there seems to be an extra emphasis on Jesus. In fact, over the past 6-8 months, God has been telling me to "know" Jesus. I just haven't done it. So anyway, as I'm talking with my friend, this thought flashes through my mind: "what if God is focusing our attention on Christ and His suffering because of what is in the near future for us as believers." I'll be honest - that thought scared me half to death.

After seeing this movie for the first time, my heart screamed that I could, and would, face anything knowing that Christ had suffered like that for me. Well, after some time to reflect, I've wondered if, when the really hard times come, will I be able to face them and not turn my back on Christ? Will I endure to the end? This is where it will be my choice to love Him. When it comes down to it, I will have to make a choice to either follow Him and possibly be sacrificed or follow my own way and not suffer. Jesus says in John 12:25 that "those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who despise their life in this world will keep it for eternal life." Oh, that I will trust in His promises when suffering comes my way.

So those are the thoughts on my mind as I try to go to sleep tonight. I have never examined my life and commitment to Christ like I have over the past week. It is a sobering experience.

My heart is ever more longing for the time when I am in the throne room of heaven - in the presence of my Savior, Redeemer and Friend - singing "blessing and honor and glory and power belong to the One sitting on the throne and to the Lamb forever and ever."

The Basin and The Towel

Since I saw "The Passion" last week, I've had several thought mulling around in my mind. One of them is the idea of what it means to be a servant.

We see in the Gospel of John, Jesus' example of a servant as he takes time to wash the feet of His disciples. After washing their feet, Jesus tells them that "if I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I gave you an example that you should do as I did to you." (John 13:14-15)

Now, I'm not wanting to get into a discussion of the "legalities" of feet washing. I'm just trying to figure out what it means to be a servant. One thing that struck me the most in this passage was not the fact that Jesus performed the act of a slave by washing His disciples feet, but that He did it in the face of horrendous suffering. Stay with me here.

Jesus knew His hour had come. He knew that his struggle in Gethsemane was just around the corner and after that was coming unimaginable physical, and perhaps, emotional pain. It was a terrifying situation, I'm sure. But in verses 3-5 of chapter 13, John says that "Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come forth from God and was going back to God, got up from supper, and laid aside His garments and taking a towel, He girded Himself. Then He poured water into the basin, and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded."

To quote my favorite pastor, "3 things stood out to me in this passage." Sorry, no alliteration. :)

First of all, Jesus was a servant in spite of His circumstances. If anyone had a reason to not be around people or to run away, it was Jesus. He was about to endure torture and humiliation to redeem us to Himself. I'm blown away by the fact that God chose to create us knowing that we would sin and that even after providing a way of redemption for us that we would reject His Son. My biggest question for God is Why? But that's a topic for another day! Back to my point - Jesus had a long road ahead of Him, yet He still gave of Himself to His disciples and showed them how He wanted them to serve others. I think the key here is what verse 3 says (I'll give you a sec to go back and read it!) Jesus knew it was in God's hands.

How many times do we miss an opportunity to serve others because it is inconvenient or doesn't fit into our schedule? How often am I so wrapped up in my circumstances that I miss opportunities to serve? Ouch!

Secondly, Jesus had to get wet. The scriptures tell us that Jesus got up from His supper and took off His garments. I'm guessing that means he took off his outer clothes and was basically in his t-shirt and shorts. He was going to have to be able to get on the floor and get to the disciples feet so he could wash and dry them. I don't know if any of you have ever participated in a "feet washing" service, but if you have, you know there's a good possibility you're going to get wet. Same thing happens when we serve others. We get involved in their lives. Our hands get "dirty". There will always be some cost to us when we "take up the basin and the towel."

Last but not least - Jesus took His time with each disciple while washing their feet. Not only did Jesus wash their feet, He took the time to wipe them dry. He could have had them all line up in a row and pour water over their feet as they stood there, and then tossed them a towel with a "here ya go, fellas!" But no.....He went to each person individually and washed and dried their feet. What does this mean for us? Serving others takes time and our attention. Jesus could have hurried through washing their feet. After all, He was about to die on the cross. But He personally ministered to each disciple - including Judas. Now that's something to think about - Jesus was a servant to the very man who would betray Him. Hmmm.

Anyway, those were some things I gathered from Christ's example of being a servant. I hope it makes sense (seeing as how it is almost 2 am.) I plan on doing some more studying on being a servant and I'll be sure to share what I learn.

Below are the lyrics to a song by Michael Card titled, The Basin and The Towel.

And the call is to community

In an upstairs room
A parable is just about to come alive
And while they bicker about who's best
With a painful glance He'll silently rise
Their Savior Servant must show them how
Through the will of the water
And the tenderness of the towel

CHORUS
And the call is to community
The impoverished power that sets the soul free
In humility to take the vow
That day after day we must take up
The basin and the towel

In any ordinary place
On any ordinary day
The parable can live again
When one will kneel and one will yield
Our Savior Servant must show us how
Through the will of the water
And the tenderness of the towel

And the space between ourselves sometimes
Is more than the distance between the stars
By the fragile bridge of the servant's bow
We take up the basin and the towel

(c)1994 Birdwing Music (a div. of the Sparrow Corporation) (ASCAP)
From Poiema by Michael Card

What a whirlwind!

Well, this past weekend was interesting.

Friday afternoon about 2pm, I received a call from my mother. My brother was being taken from his job, via ambulance, to the hospital. He was presenting all the classic symptoms of a heart attack. Mind you, my brother will be 29 in April. So I left work, went and picked up my sister-in-law and went with her to the hospital.

I won't bore you with all the details, but suffice it to say, he is fine. They kept him overnight for observation, (and his wife stayed with him, also) so I got the privilege of staying with their four kids. We had a good time. They all call me "Kiki" and get so excited when they can spend the night with me or I with them. Of course, the last time I spent the night at their house was when child #4 was being born last September. I love those kids.

Needless to say, the weekend was a little stressful. Something like that makes you look at how quickly our lives here on earth can be over. *sigh* Just another "thought" to add to the "thoughts" still going through my mind since seeing "The Passion of The Christ." Perhaps, more on that later.....I'll be seeing it again later this week.

On a lighter note, as you may or may not know, Leap Year "Day" (Feb. 29) is also considered "Sadie Hawkins Day". Ladies, that is our opportunity to snag that "man of our dreams" and ask him to marry us - or simply go out on a date! So, at church that morning, a group of us adults were talking about it and cracking jokes. Of course, I feigned dismay at not realizing what day it was and lamented missing my "opportunity". Unbeknownst to me, my 5 year old niece was listening to this exchange.

Later that day at my parent's house, she comes up to me and says, "Kiki, Kiki....I need to tell you something." So, I bent down to let her talk in my ear, and here is what she says...

"Kiki, did you find a boy to marry yet?"

Folks, I about died laughing. My poor niece got embarrassed, but I couldn't help it. I was laughing so hard and everybody asked what she said, so I told them. I just thought it was so cute! Unfortunately, I had to tell her I hadn't, but my mom, trying to encourage my niece, told her she could pray for God to bring me a husband. Isn't that sweet?!?!

Every now and then, she'll come up to me and ask me when I'm getting married. What she really wants to know is when am I going to have a baby! That question is what has precipitated her interest in me finding a husband! *sigh* Kids - gotta love 'em!

One other thing - I just finished the most fantastic book! A Violent Grace by Michael Card, is one of the best books I've read in a while. Admittedly, it could be because my heart has been dwelling on Christ's sacrifice, but Michael Card's writing is so beautiful and thought provoking. He is an excellent theologian and writer. If you get a chance, pick up this book. In my opinion, it is a great read alongside viewing "The Passion of The Christ." Now I'm reading Max Lucado's book, He Chose the Nails. Good stuff! All about my Jesus! :)

Later!

Just for fun

Found this via Chad's blog. I should get out more!



create your own personalized map of the USA
or write about it on the open travel guide

Bits and pieces

Just wanted to post a few thoughts about a few things.

I didn't get the job at Old Navy. In fact, they never called me for a second interview. I'm sure it is a God thing. Fortunately, I have some other opportunities opening up: babysitting jobs (although a little thin right now) always seem to come up at the right time and now I'm embarking on computer tutoring. I have one couple that have me on retainer, so to speak. :) The husband upgraded his iMac and bought his wife an iBook, so I'll be helping him learn shortcuts and tricks with his software and her to learn how to get around on the internet and check her email. This could lead to other jobs as they attend a really large church and are among a circle of people who would own computers and need some home tutoring. I'm excited! God always makes a way. He is truly awesome!

Speaking of babysitting, I had a job tonight that turned bad. The mother of this little girl we (my roommates and I) keep regularly called this afternoon to see if I could keep her. I told her no problem, I was going to my brother's to help with some computer stuff but that it was ok for her girl to go with me. (My brother has 3 kids her age, so I knew they would play.) Anyway, the mother was supposed to come at 9pm to get her daughter. At around 10pm, I called the number she had given me earlier (which turned out to be a wrong number). At 11pm, I called this woman's boyfriend (who lives with her). Unfortunately, he was at work but said he would either find the woman or come and get the child himself. Well, at midnight, the mother screeches into the driveway. She was probably 10 sheets to the wind. I could smell her when I opened the door.

So, she comes in and begins to ask me why I called her boyfriend. So I told her - she was supposed to be there at 9pm, it was now midnight and I had to work in the morning. She was all bowed up, like she was mad (probably because her butt got chewed by her boyfriend) and told me she would not be calling us again. "Y'all are just.....something," she says. Anyway, she goes to pick her daughter up and I tried to grab her, telling her I didn't think it was a good idea for her to be driving. She told me not to tell her what to do, and I didn't put up a fight. I now wish I had. I could have punched that woman! How can people be so careless!!!! I know the answer to that.....she needs Jesus. I would have loved to "lay hands" on that woman. As I said, I wish I had put up a fight, but what do you do? Who wants to be a troublemaker and divide a family? Knowing what I do about this family, they are already screwed up and they really do need Jesus. I keep thinking that maybe we can impact their lives in some way. Who knows?

I called her house to see if they had made it home safely. I guess I didn't allow enough time, because she didn't answer. That, or she just wasn't answering the phone. I do care about these people. After I got over being really mad and worried, I pondered what Jesus thought when He reached out to people in need. I'm not Him, but I sure want to be like Him. Maybe kindness will keep the door open to ministering to this family. Only God really knows.

So that's what was on my mind at the moment. Still lots of thinking going on about "The Passion of The Christ". I was talking to a friend tonight who saw it twice yesterday!!! It was neat to talk with him about the movie. We both came away with similar thoughts about it. I want to go see it again, to see if there was anything I missed. As I mentioned in my post yesterday, that is the most thought provoking film I've ever seen. I like those kinds of movies.

I'm off to bed. One more day in this work week and we'll be able to file it in the "history" box. :) Later!

How can I say this...

It has been just over three hours since I saw "The Passion of The Christ" and I am still trying to process what I saw. The only word I can think of to describe it is "powerful."

It didn't affect me the way I thought it would. I thought I would be more emotional....crying at the drop of a hat and that sort of thing. But I'm not. I mean, I do get teary eyed when I think of Christ's suffering, but more than that, I am deeply reflective. It's a rather strange feeling.

Although the images of His torture, as depicted in this movie, will forever be with me, it is the quiet flashbacks of His life that had the most impact on me. Through the marriage of the horrific scenes of Him being beaten and the calm, quiet flashback scenes that show where He connected with people personally, Mel Gibson has created the most thought provoking film I can ever remember seeing. It's almost hard to put into words all the thoughts and emotions that are swirling around in me.

The one thing I wasn't expecting to take away from this movie is a new realization of Christ's human-ness. He was one of us AND at the same time He was God. I never have really understood that, I guess.

***MOVIE DETAILS***DON'T READ THIS IF YOU WANT TO SEE IT FOR YOURSELF!***

Here is an example: in the movie, we see Jesus has been beaten by the temple guards as He's being dragged before the Sanhedrin. As He is waiting for them to assemble, he focuses in on a carpenter who is working on something in the courtyard. We then are taken back to a point in Jesus' life where He is working as a carpenter, evidently before His earthly ministry began. He is building a table and you hear his mother call him. "Yashua.....Yashua" (Jesus - or more correctly Joshua, in Aramaic) She comes out to where He is working and we see Him crouched down, examining His handiwork. She asks Him if He is hungry and He says "yes". As they begin to walk back into the house, she tells him to take of His dirty apron and wash his hands, so He dips His hands in the water, splashes her and then kisses her on the head before running into the house. We are then taken back to the trial scene.

There is a bit more to that scene, so I didn't tell all of it, but I wanted to share that little bit. It showed a totally human Jesus, who loved people. There's an old song that says "when He was on the cross, we were on His mind." I'm sure throughout the entire ordeal, He was thinking of those He loved in His circle of family and friends, and perhaps those of us who were yet to be born. I think this scene really embodied that aspect of who Christ is. As I said before, it was a really thought-provoking film.

***END OF MOVIE DETAILS***

In addition to a new realization of Christ as God in the flesh, I came away with a new sense of just how bad our sin is. You know, in this day and age, we tend to sanitize our sin. Especially our "pet" sins - those things we know are wrong but haven't quite given up. We don't see them as totally bad. Oh, we're quick to speak of the evils of homosexuality, drinking, drug abuse or any other sin we categorize as "bad", but those sins are no worse than the times I gossip or am dishonest or think about things I shouldn't. Those sins that no one knows about are just as evil as the "bad" sins and they all are costly. The price of sin was high - blood had to be shed - and we could never pay that price. The sacrifice had to be perfect and Christ was the only One who qualified.

Christ endured unimaginable pain and suffering, and worse than that, He was separated from His Father so that I wouldn't have to pay the price for sin. I tell you, I don't know that I'll look at sin the same way. At least I hope I won't.

I want to give my everything to the One who gave His everything for me. It's not about earning my salvation. I don't have to do that. It is a free gift because of Christ's sacrifice. I want to be like the woman who washed the feet of Jesus with her tears and dried them with her hair. I have been forgiven much and want to show Him my love by knowing Him and serving Him with my life.

As I left the movie, there was a struggle within my emotions - a part of me wanted to really be sad. Sad and sorrowful for all of the suffering Christ chose to endure for me. Yet, at the same time, I felt so blessed and so totally and completely loved. Joyousness isn't the word to express the emotion, but a deep, deep sense of peace and awe. Like I said, it's hard to express just what I'm feeling even now.

All I know is this: everyone should see this movie. One cannot help but be impacted in some way. Mel Gibson and his cast and crew have created a masterpiece and I do truly believe he was inspired by God to create this film. I can't wait to see what happens in the lives of millions as a result of this movie. Only time will tell. I just know that I am not the same and I think I will be bolder in sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ.

Better luck next time

Ok, so I didn't go see the movie tonight. There were more bodies than seats, so I gave my seat up.

I won't lie....I'm upset. I had geared myself to see this movie and now I'm just really disappointed. Whatever...I'll work through it and get over it. :)

Here's something to think about, though - my roommate had come and was helping me make sure the reserved seats went to the right people, so we had commandeered two seats for ourselves. As the crowd kept growing and seats began to run out, there was this Indian couple (from East India) that had come to see the film. Without a second thought, I gave them our seats.

Perhaps those two people needed to see that film tonight.

You see, after the film, there will be an opportunity for people to give their lives to Christ. If those people don't know Christ but have been wondering about Him, maybe seeing this film will impact their lives and lead them to the foot of the cross. I certainly hope so.

Nevertheless, I will eventually see the film. I may try to see if I can leave work early tomorrow or just wait for a time when my roommate and I can go see it. I'll just have to wait and see. But, when I do, you can be sure I'll write about it!

The Passion of the Christ

Well, folks, I'm about to go and see this film. I must say, I'm nervous. There is that part of me that wants to know what Christ went through for me, but on the other hand, I don't want to know.

I feel like this is going to be one of those times in my life I'll look back on and recognize as a "mile-marker" in my walk of faith. There will be a reckoning for what I know. How will I be able to walk away from this visual interpretation (one, I believe, that will be the most accurate we could ever see without ever having been there in person) of Christ's Passion and not be changed? That, perhaps, is what scares me the most.

Each time I want to do things my own way, will I see, in my mind's eye, a vision of Christ being beaten for me? I hope so. I want to always keep Him first in my heart and mind. As I said in my post yesterday, I never want to treat Christ's sacrifice carelessly again.

If I am able, I will post something later on about the film. Pray for us - FCA is hosting a preview of the film for a lot of high school and college athletes. Satan has already tried to create havoc, so I know miraculous things will take place as a result of this film. Pray for those people who will give their lives to the One who gave His life for them.

More, later....

Jesus

With all of the hype centered around The Passion of the Christ, I've been thinking about Jesus a lot lately. I'll be honest, I think about Jesus all the time, however, those thoughts are usually centered around what I need from Him (those "911" prayers) or short moments of praise when I feel guilty about not having spent more time with Him.

But here lately, I've realized I don't really KNOW Him as friends should know one another. He's been like a really good acquaintance that I see often and know generally what His character is like and know that He is dependable and trustworthy and a really good guy.....but I haven't known Him like I want to know Him now.

I've been reading a book by Michael Card titled "Violent Grace". It's about Jesus and what He suffered for us. One of the things he writes about is that Christ was betrayed so I might know His faithfulness. He compares Judas and Peter and their response to Grace. They both were close friends of Jesus. They lived with Him and knew everything about Him, yet they both made different choices. Both men denied Christ, albeit in different fashions, but it was their next choice that made all the difference in the world. Judas failed Christ, but had he recognized the Grace that was offered to him and chosen to seek forgiveness, the ending to his story would be totally different. Peter, on the other hand, denied Christ three times yet he was one of the first to rush to Christ's tomb on Easter morning. He received Grace and continued to live his live to please Christ.

Last night, I was reading Luke 22:54-62 - one of the passages that tells the story of Peter's denial of Christ. In verses 61-62 it says, "At that moment the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered that the Lord had said, 'Before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will deny me three times.' And Peter left the courtyard, crying bitterly." As I read that and was reflecting on what Michael Card had written and I was trying to imagine what Peter was thinking at that moment, I was suddenly there myself, looking across the courtyard into the eyes of Jesus. I was overwhelmed with a sense of disappointment and love: disappointment that I had failed Christ and yet a strong sense of His love for me. Suddenly, all that I've read about Christ's suffering flooded my memory. I realized that although Christ knew knew the torture He would endure to pay the price for my sins and even though He knew that I would have moments where by my actions I would deny Him, He still did it. He still went through with it. I began to weep as it really began to click in my mind all that He has done for me.

I'm ashamed that I've taken His sacrifice for granted. I want to know this Man like I've never known Him before. I never again want to treat His Grace so carelessly. It's funny...I used to sing a song for church titled, "Does He Still Feel The Nails". Everytime I have sang that song, I heard the words in my head and would even get worked up a bit about the meaning, but today they have new meaning. Here are the words to the chorus:

Does He still feel the nails
everytime I fail?
Does He hear the crowd cry "Crucify!", again?
Am I causing Him pain?
Then I know I've got to change.
I just can't bear the thought
of hurting Him.

I never want to bring pain to my Savior. I know I will, as we all are bound to do. I just want to know Him in such a way that when I do fail Him I won't hesitate to go to Him.

There's still more I want to say, but I don't know how to put it into words yet. There's just a lot of raw emotion churning in me right now. I'm not sure this entry makes any sense, but I just had to share.

What a night!

I have just had the most exciting night! I heard Anne Graham Lotz share from God's word and Michael Card ministered to us in song. It was a fabulous evening! God really spoke to me through both of them and I am just awed by His Spirit.

This weekend, I am in Kansas City celebrating the Fellowship of Christian Athletes' 50th Anniversary. To say the least, it has been an outstanding time of reflection, inspiration and motivation. It is so exciting to see how God has grown this ministry in 50 years and to know that the best is yet to come. I am so blessed to be a part of FCA and to have a small part in bringing the message of Christ to young people in our state. Man! I'm pumped!

Anyway, just wanted to share a bit of my weekend. I'm sure there will be more to come out of my time in Kansas City. Tomorrow will be a long travel day. As much as I have enjoyed my time here, I will be glad to get home in my own bed.

Until next time! :)

Will it ever end?

No, I have not died. But I did think about running away once or twice.

This has been the craziest week I can remember.

It started out with having to re-format the hard drive on my office computer. I did that on Sunday afternoon. Then, as it usually happens, re-installing software and getting my computer back to some semblance of it's prior self has taken three days. Most of the software installed without a hitch, but we have a new version of some software and it has had me running in circles since yesterday. I finally got it worked out with the help of our MIS department. Whew!

On top of that, yesterday when I was going home for lunch, as soon as I got on the interstate, I ran over something on the road (couldn't swerve because I had cars on both sides of me). My engine lights came on and I lost the ability to accelerate. So I moved to the side of the road, called a ride and a tow truck to haul my car to the shop. Turns out, all that had to be done was to reset the fuel inertia switch. Go figure. Good news: no serious damage to my car. Bad news: $160 expense I had not planned on. :( Anyway, God is good. He is taking care of me and I am grateful!

So I have one more day in this work week. (I'm going out of town this weekend.) I hope tomorrow goes well. I'm praying tomorrow goes well. I've got a lot to get done before we leave. My boss and I and eight other people will be going out of town. At least it will be a good weekend! I hope so, anyway!

Single Awareness Day

A very good friend of mine (hope your surgery goes well Tiffany!) corrected me in a conversation we were having the other day. I was asking her what her plans for Valentine's Day were and she promptly said..."Well, for Single Awareness Day, I'll be recovering from sinus surgery..."

It took me a moment to realize what she had said, but as soon as it registered, I began to laugh.

In spite of the humor, I understood her "pain". Valentine's Day does tend to leave us Blessed Singles out. Advertisements everywhere remind all the gentlemen to load up on gifts, flowers and chocolates for their "special someone". Christmas is barely over before you see the pink and red hearts of Valentine's displays.

To me it is truly just another day. I won't say I've never been jealous of others and what the day represents, but it really is just another day. In fact, I've told friends that even if I was married, I don't think I'd want to celebrate the day. My thinking is this - if my sweetheart doesn't show his love for me throughout the year (and not just by getting me "stuff") then he certainly doesn't need to bother for Valentine's Day. Heck - he gets a three month reminder! Anyone can remember to give a gift on Valentine's Day! I want him to do special things for me when I least expect it! Is that asking too much?

Anyway, for this Valentine's Day, I get the privilege of playing the piano for my cousin's wedding. You have to admit it is kind of sweet to be getting married on the day that celebrates love. Side note: this isn't my first Valentine wedding to play for - I had a roommate get married on Valentine's Day about (oh my gosh can it be?) 9 years ago.

It will be a simple wedding and I know it will be pretty. I hope she is happy. More importantly, I hope I don't screw it up for her by messing up while playing!!! I always get nervous! I can play all day for church or a prayer service, but you put me in front of a crowd and ask me to play wedding music.....it's a whole different ball game!

Well, time to hit the hay. For those of you who read this blog and have a significant other - I hope you take time to tell that person how much they are loved. For the rest of you - my fellow Blessed Singles - have a great weekend and know that there is Someone who loves you more than you can know or imagine!

Expanding my knowledge

I was over at Jax Place reading her list of books she has read and plans on reading. I realized how little I've read! I was challenged to get on the ball!

Currently, we do not have cable at our house, but we've been contemplating getting the basic, basic cable - (you know, about 15 channels that includes all the local stations!). I don't know if I even want to do that. I find myself watching too much tv even now! Our biggest tv night is Monday. Me and one of my roommates have been sucked into the whole Fear Factor / Vegas / Average Joe line-up. Imagine how many chapters I could read in those three hours!

In addition to reading, I've wanted to expand my knowledge with some software that I have and I could even commit to learning that during those three hours. (Not to mention that I have some Online Staff Training I have to get done in the next few months!) What a waste! I can't believe I've given my time to that much tv!

Every day I get out of bed, I see my bookshelves - which are packed with books I've haven't gotten around to reading (as well as books I have read!) I could really save some money entertaining myself!

I'm going to make a concerted effort to not spend money on renting a movie, getting cable, or buying any new books and instead, start reading the books I've already paid for! I could be busy for a while! :)

A cool surprise

The neatest thing happened to me this weekend....an old friend, with whom I lost contact almost five years ago, found me and emailed me! He was someone I met through AOL and we were "long distance" friends - he lives in California and I in Mississippi. We lost touch when each of our lives, for various reasons, became hectic. Of course, I moved a couple of times and gave up my regular phone for a cell phone, so it was hard for him to find me. I had also changed emails a couple of times, too.

He is the coolest guy. After we first "met", we talked many times on the phone or via emails. I remember having fun chatting with him, encouraging him in his walk with Christ and just being an ear to listen when he was having a bad day. And he would do the same for me. He is a big sports fan, so we also had fun picking on each other about our favorite teams.

So anyway, I emailed him back, letting him know I was the same person he had known all those years ago. He called me tonight and we caught up on what has happened in each other's lives. He is happily married to a wonderful woman (he had just started seeing her when we last talked with one another) and has a son. I was so excited to talk with him. I truly considered him to be a friend (and still do.)

The bond that is created between people because of their relationship with Christ is always amazing to me. This friend is truly a brother in Christ and in spite of the fact it has been almost five years since we last spoke, our conversation picked up as if we had just spoken yesterday. That is so cool! Also, I'm glad there wasn't anything from our "past" that would have created an awkward situation in the present. His wife was in the room with him while we were talking, and even remembers me from way back. I think I may have even spoken to her at one point before he and I lost contact. (I'm not sure.)

Anyway.....this was just the coolest thing from my weekend. I love it when stuff like this happens! There are a couple of people from years gone by that I would love to find and have a conversation with. I really hate that I wasn't better about staying in touch with them.

In other news....my roommates are all better. Our weekend was a bit slower than last weekend, so I got some rest. I can tell I'm getting older....I can't stay up until 2 am and have a decent day! That stinks! :)

Speaking of bedtimes...it's way past mine already! Good night!

Illness strikes!

Well, it's just tons of fun around our house right now. Meagan went to the doctor today and was diagnosed with tonsillitis and mono. Yuck! She works in a daycare, so there's no telling where that came from!

Tonight we were all home and Dee Dee said she was beginning to feel bad. Her throat is sore and very red, and the tonsil on the right side of her throat was looking a bit nasty. We found out yesterday that a co-worker of hers (who is also a friend) was out sick yesterday and today with a high fever and vomiting, so she could have been exposed to that, too.

I'm just praying that I don't get anything. However, as I sit here typing this, my throat is a bit scratchy and my eyes feel a bit sandy.....if you get my drift. I had a couple of sneezes earlier tonight, which usually doesn't bode well.

*sigh*

We can't complain, though.....none of us has been ill since we moved into this house. Thank God! I guess illness was bound to strike, since Dee Dee and Meagan both work with kids.

Pray for us!

Reality check

I was minding my own business, on my way to Office Max to get some stuff for our board meeting tonight, when all of a sudden, I had this thought...."you really are a weenie."

Yeah, that's right, I'm a weenie.

I was talking with someone the other day who is considering working on a cruise ship for a couple of months during the summer. My first reaction to that was "how cool!" And then I thought, "but man, I sure would miss my family, friends and church!" So today as I was driving along, I was thinking about my friend's opportunity and wishing I didn't have student loans to pay off so I could do it too. And then, I thought "if I was away from all that is familiar, would I be as strong of a Christian as I or my friends think I am?" The answer to that is "I don't know." I don't know that I could withstand all the temptations that are out there "in the world." Let's face it, I still live a somewhat sheltered life. All of my close friends and family are believers, I work for a Christian organization and most nights, I stay at home.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and be real honest: I don't know that I have enough discipline in my spiritual life to carry me out into the "real world." I don't get into the Word enough - although I'm trying to rectify that. I don't spend a lot of time really talking to God - or more importantly, listening to God. I've been coasting along on "reserve". You know - all the Bible knowledge I have at this moment (which is probably only the tip of the Bible-knowledge iceberg), the strength I gain from my friends and the work I do. I mean, it has only been in the last few years that I've begun to really understand the difference between knowing God and having a relationship with Him.

As I was facing the reality of my own spirituality, I wondered if, perhaps, God has wanted to use me for something but didn't open the opportunity because He knew I wasn't strong enough or disciplined enough to handle it. That was a sobering thought.

I can't spend time worrying about all the "what if's" now. I just know I've got to put Christ front and center in my life. Oh, don't get me wrong, He has been the majority of my "life", but I'm beginning to examine whether or not He has been my Life. I want that to change. It's so much easier to just go along with things as they've always been, but it's time for a change.

My pastor made the comment the other day that we've become too formal in our services. Maybe a better way to explain it is distant. I've become too distant in my own walk, satisfied to maintain the status quo. I'm sure that has contributed to the type of services we've had a church. I want to be free.....free to do whatever God asks of me.

I'm not sure how to change me, except that I need to get into God's Word and let His Word get into me. It has the power to change and so that is where I will begin. I know God has been telling me to dig into His Word. I don't understand why I've had such a hard time "doing" just that, but I have. I know that some incredible things are in store for me....but I won't see them happen (whatever they are) until I do this part first.

"Lord, I need your help to overcome myself. I've been my own worst enemy when it comes to knowing You more. Keep shining the Light of your Truth in my life and help me to face those dark corners only you know about so that I may live in true abandon, unfettered by the fear caused by those dark places, to worship You."

Amen.

Part-time job

Ok, I said I'd update you about the part-time job at Old Navy. Well, here's what I know....last week I went for a job interview - which went very well. The guy who interviewed me was very friendly and helped me to feel right at ease. If you can believe this, he was impressed that I was not only on time for the interview, but I was early by about 10 minutes. What is the world coming to that employers would be impressed that potential employees can be on time. If that's the only requirement for this job, I know I got it!

Anyway, I'll be going back for another interview probably next week. The general manager is on vacation and will be back then. I think I would enjoy working this part-time job. The manger who interviewed me seemed to be willing to work me a bunch, so if I do get the job, I may not have much spare time. *sigh* Oh well, the more I work, the faster I can pay off some bills! I'm trying not to let the short-term struggles obstruct my view of the long-term victories.

We'll see. I'll be sure to let you know what happens!

God is awesome

I just wanted to share that this morning. :)

I'm so awed by His grace, mercy and love. Everything around me tells of His wonderous works and I know that He is with me. I'm so thankful that even when things seem to be a bit off - He is still in control. I read something this morning that was really encouraging. It said:

Don't tell God how big your storm is,
tell the storm how big your God is!

As I said, God is awesome!

He knows

So here it is, 4:17 am on Saturday morning, and I have been up since 6:40 am, Friday morning. It has been a very long day, and God has been a part of every minute.

As I've mentioned before, I work for a sports ministry. Our annual College Getaway started on Friday, so I had to go to the office, finish a few things and hit the road by noon. Of course, it didn't work out that way. I actually got on the road around 1:40. I was supposed to be at the campground (which is an hour and a half away) by 2 pm. Needless to say, I was late getting there.

My responsibility at this event was registration and housing - I organize registration and make sure everyone has a place to sleep. We were planning for 270 people to attend (including coaches and staff) but housing for the girls was really tight. So tight, that I knew there was a possibility that I might have to drive back home because there wouldn't be a place for me to sleep. We finish registration, eat dinner and then begins the process of balancing the money and checking to make sure housing is ok (while everyone else is participating in the service and activities that follow). I should have started with ironing out problems with the housing, but I dealt with the money first - that way, if there were any problems, I could still get with the coach or student leader from the school to work things out. This process always takes time - mostly because I have an accountant's personality.....details, details, details. For some reason, I don't feel like I've done a good job unless I know exactly which check or cash came with each person. And if I don't keep good records as we go through registration (because it gets busy)...it can mean a long time to reconcile.

So anyway, I'm working on getting the money straight (which it was, thank God!) and finally finish around 11:15pm...about the time that all the evening's activities are finishing up and people are getting ready for bed. All of a sudden, my worst expectations came true....we had a situation. There were more girls than beds! I thought we had worked everything out ok, but because of a mis-count of beds in one cabin, they were a bed short. On top of that, there were three beds without mattresses in this same cabin, which meant they were four beds short and nowhere else to go. So the room I was planning on staying in (which had space for four people) went to the overflow of girls.

Well, I'll tell ya - right up until this problem arose, I was extremely tired and was looking forward to going to bed. However, my adrenaline kicked in (not to mention some serious frustration), because I had a problem to fix, and the only way to fix it was to let them have my room and me drive home. An hour and a half drive. Mind you, by the time we resolved things and I got packed up, it was 12:45.

After stopping at a hotel for a bathroom break and a cup of coffee, I take off. Fortunately, I have a friend who was still up, so I called and talked to him for a while. He talked me through half of my trip home. Then I picked up a talk show about ghosts and hauntings and that kept my attention until I got within 20 miles of home. I was home free! Even better than that - I was going to be in bed by 3 am!

Or so I thought.

Something came up, of which I'm not at liberty to write about, and I knew then, that in the midst of all the turmoil and angst I had dealt with at camp, God had a reason for me leaving early.

You see, right before I left the campground, I decided to double check the boys housing. Turns out, there were two whole cabins that were empty, but because it was so late and everyone had just about settled in, we couldn't do anything about it. The thought had crossed my mind to double check the boys roster, but I didn't do it. God knew I needed to come home.

That's only happened to me a couple of other times, but each time God has moved in that way, I have been totally amazed, humbled and for a short while....scared. What if I had listened to myself, checked the boys roster and worked things out so I could stay at the camp? I would not have been in the right place at the right time to be where God wanted me to be. Only God knows the bad things that might have happened if I hadn't come home.

There are still things to be dealt with, but I believe God will use this incident to work in people's lives. I am eager to see what else He else has planned! No matter what anyone says, being a Christian is not boring!

Now I'm about to go to bed. I'm so exhausted, I'll probably sleep the whole day away. I haven't forgotten I promised to post about the part-time job. I'll try to write about that later today.

Good night! (Or Good morning!)

Getting nervous

I feel silly. My interview for a part-time job is this afternoon and I am getting nervous. What's that all about? Perhaps it's because deep down I wonder, "What if they don't like me?" or even "What if they like me and I get the job!?!?!?" It's crazy.....I admit it.

Of course, it all boils down to this one thing: change. As I've written before, change is the one thing we can count on in our lives. Even though I've dealt with a lot of changes in my life, I'm always amazed at how some changes are harder to deal with. I guess it's because some changes represent a failure or a goal that hasn't been achieved. I don't like those kinds of changes.

The fact that I need a part-time job is a result of a failure to manage my finances better. And I don't like that. You see, if I get this job, I know there will be people I know who will see me and think, "Gosh, I can't believe Christy is working two jobs! That's a shame." Of course, they probably won't think that, but even if they did - so what? Right? I don't usually do things or base my life around what others may think, but I can't help but think about it anyway.

The other thing I ponder is what if this isn't what God wants me to do? Will I hear his voice or am I trying to "fix" things again?

*sigh*

I guess I'll just go and see what happens. More later on....

Life could get interesting

So, back at the end of December, I go shopping at Old Navy. While I'm there, I casually ask one of the sales people if they are hiring. She didn't know, but directed me to one of the managers, who gave me an application and spent a few minutes talking with me. He told me they would be hiring the first of February.

Anyway, I get the phone call tonight to come for an interview. I'm rather nervous - ain't that crazy? I can do whatever I set my mind to - of that I'm sure - and I worked retail for nearly 5 years.....so I'm not sure why I'm nervous. Perhaps it's just because it represents a possible change in my life.

In case you were wondering why I am looking for a part-time job, I've just got some debt I need to eliminate. I've really been convicted about being a good steward of my finances. It has never really been a priority, and I know I've disappointed God on more than one occasion. :) It is an area in my life that needs work, so I'm working on it!

I think I've sub-consciously been waiting for God to swoop down and erase my financial problems, all along knowing that I should be doing more to help myself get out of the mess I created. Now, I'm not saying that God can't "open up the floodgates" and take care of it all...but I don't think He's going to...at least not at the moment. Maybe He will bring along "Joe Millionaire" who will pay off all my debts (don't worry, I'm not holding my breath!), but for now, I must do all I can to please my Lord. Who knows how He will bless me! :)

One positive about getting a part-time job (besides being able to pay off some debts!) is that I will be around people who may not know Christ. What a ministry opportunity!!! Do you know how hard it is to share the Gospel when everyone you work with and know is already a Christian? That's one reason I was so excited when we moved into this house. There are two coffee shops within a mile of our house, and I've been able to meet new people who need Jesus. It has been a really cool thing.

So, we will see how this all pans out. It could make for some interesting posts...although I hope not fewer ones!!!!

Shaping up to be a busy week

There is so much to do this next week, I don't know if I'll ever get it all done! The ministry I work for is having a college getaway this weekend, so we will be preparing for that - which means I've got a lot of paperwork to get done. In addition to that, it's the end of the month, so I've got to get our financial report done to send in to our home office. That's just what I have to do at work.

My room is still a mess....although it is a bit more organized. It's not that I haven't wanted to attack the room and get it clean.....I simply ran out of time! Of course, there were some times I could have put to better use, but hey....who doesn't goof off every now and then! Besides that, I haven't felt well for the last couple of weeks. I'm not sure what it is. I've been exercising regularly, but I think I need to do better with what I'm eating. I haven't been eating like I should - eating way too many carbs. I know some people think that's crazy....but I guess I'm one of those folks that need to watch carbs. When I cut back on them, I feel ten times better and have more energy....not to mention I lose weight like crazy! Time to get back into the groove of healthy eating. I probably should get my "sleep time" back on schedule. I'm going to have to start going to bed at 10pm. :)

Anyway....today was fabulous! We had a great time in church and then had the pastor and his family over for lunch. His uncle was our guest preacher today and he also came over. Deedee (one of my roommates) and I love to have company over. We're both very "people" oriented and love being with friends and/or family.

Well, it's past my bedtime already, so I'll close for now.

p.s. I can't wait for our Super Bowl party on Sunday!!!! We're going to have a blast!!!

Another legend, lost...

Today, another icon of Children's Television died. Bob Keesan, aka Captain Kangaroo, passed away at the age of 76.

"Unlike many other children's programs, Captain Kangaroo was not filmed before a studio audience and did not include children in its cast," says the Museum of Broadcasting on its Web site. "Keeshan wanted nothing that would come between him and the children in his television audience and so spoke directly to the camera. He also personally supervised which commercials could air on the program, and promoted products, such as Play-Dough and Etch-a-Sketch, which he saw as facilitating creative play, while avoiding those he felt purely exploitative."...

He was critical of today's TV programs for children, saying they were too full of violence. And he spoke wherever he went about the importance of good parenting.

"Parents are the ultimate role models for children," he said. "Every word, movement and action has an effect. No other person or outside force has a greater influence on a child than the parent." - CBSNews.com

I fondly remember watching Captain Kangaroo as a child. It's a shame that there aren't people, like Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Rogers, who are involved in providing good quality television for children. Have you watched children's tv lately? Oh my gosh! If I had kids, they would not be watching Nickelodeon or PBS (or much of any other station for that matter!) - one channel is notorious for "Adult" cartoons that are targeted at kids and the other simply provides leftist, liberal propoganda veiled in "educational programming". It's ridiculous. Long gone are the days of "Captain Kangaroo", "Mr. Rogers" and "The Electric Company". I miss those days! :-(

We are so blessed

Last night, after I got home from church, I was reading through some of the Iraqi blogs I recently added to my blogroll. Here in America, we are truly blessed.

We often take for granted that our electricity works, the sewers aren't overflowing, we don't have to listen to bombs, mortars and gunfire (at least in most parts of the US!) on a daily basis, and most importantly, we do not have to learn how to "handle" Freedom. For the Iraqi people, this is every day living. I think it is hard for us to understand the turmoil they are dealing with. Of course, it is a welcome "turmoil". Those people whose lives are vastly improved with the downfall of Saddam are extremely happy and optimistic. From what I've read and seen (in pictures) over the past few days, their lives were lived in fear - unless they were a member of Saddam's regime, and even then, their lives weren't guaranteed. We cannot imagine living in that hell.

Keep our troops and the people of Iraq in your prayers. There are still those (mostly terrorists from outside Iraq) who do not want to see Iraq succeed and will do anything to stop progress.

As I said....we are so blessed!

Goofin' off in church

Get this....we have wireless internet access at our church, so right now, I am posting this entry from church! I'll bet there aren't many churches around with this capability! :)

Of course, my pastor will read this later on and I'll be busted. :)

We are studying about the Dead Sea Scrolls and it is very interesting. Randy (my pastor) acquired a copy of the scrolls (digital, of course!) and we're actually able to read the scrolls and learn all about them. I can't even begin to explain what we've covered - I just know it's cool!

Ok - he's picking back up now, so I'd better go!

I'm proud to be an American!!!

Ok, I didn't get to hear every word of the President's speech (because I got to browsing around online - more about that in a sec) but what I heard made me proud to live in the greatest country on earth! I plan on downloading his speech and reading over it carefully in the next couple of days. Right now, I'm just trying to keep from screaming at Pelosi and Daschle on tv. Aaarrrggghhh! Do these people honestly think that if they keep repeating lies and half-truths long enough the people of America will believe them? OR that they will become true? I am truly amazed at their gall.

Anyway......

While the president was speaking about the victories in Iraq, I remembered that I've been wanting to look up some Iraqi blogs. You know, from people who actually live there and see what is going on. I found quite a few and have already linked to several. It is amazing to read how many of them are grateful for US intervention and for the changes taking place in their country. You won't hear about this stuff from our national media!

In case you are interested, here are the blogs I've linked to already:

Healing Iraq - Daily news and comments on the situation in post Saddam Iraq by an Iraqi dentist

Iraq & Iraqi's - Short Articles about the Mentality of Iraqi`s

Iraq at a Glance - Stories and news from Iraq after the liberation

The Mesopotamian - To bring one more Iraqi voice of the Silent Majority to the Attention of the World

State of the Union

I'm just sitting here, watching our wonderful president give the State of the Union Address. I must say, as much as I love our president, I've been disappointed in a few things his administration has advanced over the past few weeks and months.

I'm looking forward to what he has to say!

A day off!

I'm so excited to have a day off! *happy sigh* We're about to get into a really busy stretch at work, so it's nice to have this kind of day thrown in there.

I had three of my brother's four kids spend the night with me last night and they just left! I love my nieces and nephew, but whenever I start to have a pity party about not being married or having kids, I just load my brother's kids up and spend some quality time with them! Then, I'm thankful I'm single!! Really though, I love those kids and they are awesome....especially when they say, "Kiki...(that's what they call me!), I love you! I love you this much..." and then they'll stretch their arms wide and grin at me. However, I've noticed a pattern for this behavior from them...it comes about the time they're getting in trouble for something.....hmmmmm. :) Just kidding! :)

Now I've got the rest of the day to start working on some projects I've decided need to get done. First of all, I've got to organize my books! I have a bunch.....most of which, I've not read! So, to help me get my "list" of "books to read" in order, I've got to organize them. I'm going to organize them by type of book and then author. I'll probably create a database of all the books I have, just to help me keep up with them.

The other project I have in mind is to organize my cd's! I have a ton of those as well that are scattered among several different cases. In addition to those, I have a bunch of new ones I've acquired over the past year that need to be integrated with my old ones. I'll probably create a list of those as well.

Those are just a couple of projects I have in mind.

I know I sound like a freak with all this organizing and list making....but this is going to help me in several ways. The most obvious benefit of organizing these things is that it will help me straighten my bookcases and put things in their rightful place. I have several stacks of books and cd's that need a home.

Secondly, when my "stuff" is disorganized, it's a good sign that "me" is disorganized. My room is a direct reflection of what's going on within me. It's very strange how this works. I've noticed I can help keep the rest of the house clean and straightened out, but it is a struggle to clean my room. Same thing with me....I can keep up the outward appearances while inside I'm in turmoil. Interesting, huh? Cool thing is this...I've been cleaning my room! Slowly, but surely. :)

And finally, the other reason for organizing these things is to help me stay on a budget. "What?" I know, doesn't make sense at first glance, but let me explain. When I get these thing organized, I will then have a list of books and cd's that I haven't read or listened to. So, the next time I feel an urge to spend some money, simply because I want something to do....I will have these lists from which to pull for entertainment! Make sense? I've realized that I sometimes spend money, simply because I'm bored. Crazy....I know! So, in an effort to be a better steward of what God has given me, I'm going to provide myself with a way to avoid impulse spending. (Besides staying away from stores!)

So, with all that said...I guess I'd better get to work! I've got a water aerobics class at 4:45, so I've only got a little bit of time!

The Passion of the Christ

Well, I thought I'd add something to the multitudinous posts about this movie. As you may know, I work for a national sports ministry and one of our vice-presidents had an opportunity to see a private screening of Mel Gibson's movie. Here is a portion of the email he sent us about the movie:

Staff -

Last week, I had the opportunity to see a private screening of Mel Gibson's movie "The Passion" at the National Network of Youth Ministries Forum in New Mexico with 250 youth leaders. The movie is an account of Christ's last 12 hours, depicting the crucifixion.

The movie was riveting and numbing. It was a life-changing event for me as my eyes were opened to the depth of Christ's sacrifice. As a Christian for 28 years and one who has read and heard the crucifixion story hundreds of times, it was like the first time I had encountered it. It vividly reminded me that it is all about the cross. Anyone that sees the movie will be challenged with the reality of Christ's love for us. Bottom line - it is all about Christ crucified, and that is the story that needs to be told.

At the very start of the movie, you could see people weeping - seeing the brutality of what Christ went through for us. No one left dry-eyed! It is a remarkable movie that not only every follower of Christ must see and also the skeptics. I pray that millions of movie watchers will be touched and transformed by the power of Christ. As I watched in awe, I realized that this might be one of the greatest evangelical tools ever! My prayer is that God will be lifted up and lives WILL be changed. In the movie, you see people encounter Christ in various settings and each one is transformed - the soldier whose ear was cut off by Peter, Pilate's wife, Simon who helped carry the cross, and many others. Transformation at each encounter. I pray that people can encounter Christ in a fresh, new way as they watch The Passion.

The movie will probably be Rated R. I have read that Mel Gibson commented to the brutality, "If you read the Bible -- the whole thing is pretty much rated R!" In order to accurately depict the crucifixion, he needed to hold back nothing from the torture Christ bore for us.

When asked what Mel's goal is for the movie, he said, "I hope they watch the movie and want to read the Book!" ... "I hope they are changed."

He spent over 35 million dollars of his own money, risked the doors of his world being slammed in his face and when asked "why?" he has said, "It was time. I just had to do it. It was just time to tell this story." Pray for Mel and this project.

I cannot wait to see this movie. I get a knot in my throat just watching the trailers, so I know I'll be one of those sobbing in the theater while watching it. I believe every Christian should go and see this film. I have a feeling it will cause a lot of folks to examine their walk....it's already got me looking into mine. To think that the Son of God would endure that type of torture, just so we could be with Him.......*eyes tearing up, and lump in throat*

It will be interesting to see the impact this film has.

The first member of the X-Men?

This is an amazing story about a girl who apparently has x-ray vision.

You know how so much of the technology that appeared in Star Trek (the original series) has now come into being? I wonder if this girl's story is another example of movies coming to life? Interesting thought.

Confessing sin

I found this great article on confessing sin. Here is an excerpt:

Many Christians, including yours truly, struggle with admitting sins. We know our heavenly parent sees all, yet we act as if we can hide sins from Him. We know He loves us with an everlasting love, yet we choose to believe He could never forgive us. We simply don’t want to talk about it, preferring to ignore our sins. King David, in Psalm 32, indicates that ignoring our sins is detrimental to our health and vitality. David attests to the liberating power of confession in verses 2-5: "When I refused to confess my sin, I was weak and miserable, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Finally I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, ‘I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.’ And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone." David exclaims, "Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of sin, whose lives are lived in complete honesty!"

I don't know about you, but this is one of those things I struggle with. Like I said in my previous post, I don't want to admit when I'm wrong or when I've goofed up, or even when I need help. And yet, it's just like the author describes in her article - Jesus just wants us to confess so that He can get on with the business of cleaning us up so we can go on with our lives.

What an awesome God we serve!

No pain, no gain

Ok, so I didn't get up in time to make it to the 5:45 am Pilates class, BUT I still went and got in a good workout! I was there by 6:15 and had a great 45 min. of cardio and weight training. I will sleep good tonight! (Actually, I could do with a good nap right now!)

Anyway, my roommate and I were talking about workouts last night and I mentioned that the pain I was experiencing was good pain. I like this kind of pain. It lets me know that I'm working muscles that haven't been worked in a while and that if I keep at it, I will see a difference. As I was thinking about working out and physical fitness this morning, I was reminded of my spiritual fitness.

How many times in life do we experience pain in our walk with Christ? I'm not talking about those external circumstances which bring pain and sorrow. No, I'm talking about the pain that comes from growing in Christ - giving up an old habit or perception in order to have a mind more like Christ. Or how about those times when you're in the Word and, just like it says it would do, the Word becomes a mirror to reflect back to you the sin that is in your life? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Just like when we work muscles that have lain dormant for far too long, when we work our spiritual "muscles" there is some amount of pain that comes. It's that old self dying.

So...we should rejoice! Right? I hear the half-hearted replies: "sure...oh yeah, of course..." I'm with you! To be honest, I haven't rejoiced when God is working those things out of me. In fact, I get down right mad. I don't want to think that I need to be "fixed" or that my spritual life is "out of shape" - although I know good and well it is! (At least it's not as good as it could be!)

As I commit to working on my physical body, I'm going to refocus on my spiritual side as well. As I experience the pain and discomfort of tired and sore muscles and the pain of giving up things to "have the same mind that was in Christ Jesus", I will remind myself of the title of this post......"No pain, no gain!"

Real quick

Just wanted to post something for today. I went and worked out this afternoon....water aerobics. I love doing that! If you think it is easy, guess again! It can be challenging, especially when you're using styrofoam dumbbells. I am so tired! But it is a good feeling.

I'm plan on getting up early to go work out before I go to work. I found out today they have a Pilates class at 5:45 am and I want to try it out.

I am trying to get in shape. I've always enjoyed working out, but have never really committed to a daily regimen - or even a regular schedule. It is time I must! Since adopting a change in eating habits - trying to stay away from unnecessary carbs (especially white flour) and sugar - I have lost 20 lbs! Woohoo! I won't tell you how many I have yet to go, but suffice it to say it will take some time. Working out will speed the process up.

Nevertheless, I'm excited! I'm hoping that by sharing this with the world, I'll be more accountable to stick to my goals. I will definitely be keeping you apprised of my successes, and yes, my failures - which I hope to keep to a bare minimum!

Wish me luck! (Or just pray for me!!!!!)

...and then, maybe not

Well, I may have spoken too soon! Now my throat is scratchy, dry and hurts. I REALLY hope it is nothing! I'm thinking my discomfort might be a result of the medicine I took last night, but only time will tell.

Anyway, I'm just sitting around watching the movie "Emma", starring Gwyneth Paltrow. It is quite a funny movie based on Jane Austen's book. What I didn't know was this - the movie "Clueless", with Alicia Silverstone, is also based on the story of "Emma". I must say, I haven't read the book (although now I plan to), but I have enjoyed both movies. *sigh* Another book to add to my list. :-)

Speaking of movies, I did finally get to see "LOTR: The Return of the King." All I can say is "wow". I must go and see it again, for I know I missed many things. I absolutely love those movies! I think the next time I go see it, I want to go by myself. That way, there are no distractions and I can give it my full attention!

False alarm!

Thank God!! I am not sick. Woohoo! I think yesterday was just a bad, wake-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed day. I'm feeling much better! Of course, drugs were involved, but hey - God works through those, too! ;-)

Looks like today is going to be a good one! At least, I pray it is!

If only...

You are going to marry Orlando Bloom. He will
always treat you right and is very romantic. He
will do anything for you. He is very polite and
has deep brown eyes and is very good looking
(which is another plus!). He can make anything
cheesy look really good (like sliding down
stairs on a shield shooting arrows or wearing
pointy ears for example). Congrats!!


Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (10 results that have pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla


In lieu of my post yesterday morning....this is not my definitive "list" for what I am looking for. Not even close.

Hey....let a girl dream, ok? :-D I just thought this was fun!

Yuck

After making it through the worst of the flu season, I fear I may be coming down with something. I feel like crap today. :(

Last night, I didn't feel so hot. In fact, I decided not to go to Winter Fest and see Audio Adrenaline, Relient K, Todd Agnew....and a whole bunch of other good artists....because I felt so crummy (and because I didn't really have the money!) In addition to that, my boss' wife had strep throat last week, and this morning I woke up with a sore throat. I hope and pray it is not strep! I do not like being sick.

Blah.

In spite of that, I praise God this morning...just because. I see His hand working in my life and the lives of so many others, and know that He has great things in store for us this year. I can't wait to see what He's going to do!

My pastor gave our "State of the Church Address" yesterday, and I am so excited and encouraged by what God is doing in our congregation. We've seen amazing growth this year (not just with numbers, but with lives changed by God) and anticipate seeing much more. I love the church I attend. The people are incredible.

Well, "Happy Monday!" and God bless. I guess I'd better get to work. :)

Stuff

Since I'm up, I thought I'd post something....anything. :) Seriously, though....I do like to post. Having a blog causes me to look deeper into things. When I remember I have a blog *grin*, I tend to look at every situation as an opportunity to share, so when I don't post....it usually means I'm just skating by and not really paying attention. I don't like that. I've been in a rut (so to speak) and I'm trying to get out of it.

One of the things that has been on my mind of late is relationships. Since I'm not in one at the present time, I get to observe a lot. I am confident of one thing....when I am blessed to be in a relationship, I definitely want God to be in the middle of it! Relationships are so tricky and man, can they be painful! I guess that's just life in general...right?

Anyway, I've got a friend dealing with issues in a relationship. Talking with her and listening to what she's going through has caused me to again look at what my expectations are in regards to a relationship. Sometimes I wonder if my expectations are too high....if I'm too picky. And then I'll read something like what Scott writes and think, "no way am I too picky!" I'm glad to know there are others with high standards and expectations.

I've told God many times, if I can't have a better than average marriage, I'd just rather stay single. I've seen too many "average" marriages, and they just don't appeal to me. I mean, if marriage is supposed to be an example of Christ's love for us, something is missing somewhere for a lot of folks. I can't imagine Christ treating me (or anyone) the way I've seen some husbands and wives treat each other. (I just hope that I'll remember that when I get married!)

Like I said...it's tricky, this relationship business. I just know I have to focus on my relationship with Christ and everything else will fall into place. However, I still have a "list" of expectations when it comes to "Mr. Right". Some of them may be unrealistic, but I'm trusting that as I get closer to Christ, my expectations will become what they need to be so I will recognize "him" when he enters my life. I can't wait to see how that turns out!

Changes

Life is full of changes. Of that I'm certain. They come in all shapes and sizes: expected, unexpected, turn-your-world-upside-down, make-your-world-right, they bring great joy or great sorrow, they hurt, feel good.....we all know about change.

The thing is, when change happens...things change. "Well, duh!" you might say, but have you ever really thought about it? I mean, look at some of these definitions:

1. To cause to be different.
   
2. To give a completely different form or appearance to; transform.
   
3. To exchange for or replace with another, usually of the same kind or category.
   
4. To lay aside, abandon, or leave for another; switch places.
   
5. To transfer from (one conveyance) to another.
   
6. To put a fresh covering on.
   

So, considering all these definitions, how do you deal with change? When it is the type of change that is unexpected or causes great pain, what do you do? What about change that is necessary, but still hurts? I could go on and on with different scenarios, but I'm sure you get the point.

The thing is, change always impacts more than one person. Even if the change taking place is within a person (i.e., they repent and give their life to Christ) it still impacts those around them. For instance, they no longer go out and "party" with the crowd because there's been a "change" in their heart. John Donne, poet and clergyman, once wrote: "No man is an island, entire of itself." Simple, but very profound. I think we all tend to forget that our actions will always affect someone else. That, in itself, is not necessarily a bad thing. It's just a very real fact of life.

I have a friend dealing with some change in her life, and yes, it impacts me and other friends of ours. Each of us, in our own way, will work through the process of dealing with this change, but I know God will work things out. He has promised that in His Word. In the meantime, I will walk with her through this change and try to help in any way I can. One of my all-time favorite scriptures is 1 Corinthians 2:9, which says, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him." I can't wait to see how it all turns out!

Happy New Year!

I can't believe it - another year filed away! Where does the time go?

Just wanted to post something quick to say "Thank You" to all my new friends I've made in the blogosphere! I really am humbled to know that people find what I write interesting. I hope I can keep it up!

Since I stayed up way too late last night, I'm going to bed early tonight. Besides, I want to be fresh when I see "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" tomorrow! I can't wait! :) I'll post my thoughts about it after tomorrow!

Ta ta for now! :)

How time flies!

Well, folks, another Christmas has passed and we are fast approaching the end of another year. What happens to time? I can remember when I was a kid and the school year seemed to last for years and Christmas took forever to get here! Now it seems January hardly passes before it's July 4th and then you blink and Christmas has arrived. Sometimes I don't like getting older.

In spite of the speed at which the holidays have passed, I must say I'm glad it's over. This past week has been hard. I think I spent too much time alone. At times, I didn't even like myself, but that, too, is passing. :)

On a lighter note, there were several things I did during the holidays that were some of my own favorite traditions: decorating the tree, watching my favorite holiday movies - "It's a Wonderful Life", "Holiday Inn", "White Christmas", and baking pecan pies. I didn't get to watch Charles Dickens', "A Christmas Carol". My favorite version of that movie is the one with Patrick Stewart as Ebenezer Scrooge. George C. Scott is my other favorite "Scrooge". I did, however, see it live at the local theater. That was cool.

Should God allow it, I can't wait for the day when I have a family and we establish our own holiday traditions. To me, the family traditions are the best part of the holidays.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and enjoyed yourselves immensely! Most importantly, I hope you were able to think about the One who is the Reason for the season.

I'm back in business!

I got my laptop back!!!!! Woohoo!!!! I am so excited to have it back.

The speed at which Apple repaired my laptop has restored my faith in this company! I shipped it out on Thursday of last week and got it back on Tuesday. They totally replaced all of the outer casing - so my laptop looks like new! Except that my battery is a slightly different color, but I won't be picky about that! :)

Now I will try to get back in the groove of posting. I think not having my computer worked out for the best anyway - I wouldn't have had enough time to post anyway.

I'm going to sign out now, since I have some things to do before tomorrow, but I hope you all will have a blessed Christmas. Be sure to hug all those folks you'll be with this week - even the ones you might not like very much. We never know if this Christmas will be the last one we have with those we love.

Blessings to you and yours!

'Tis the season, to be jolly....

But sometimes it's hard! My laptop was fixed and returned to me - only to be sent back today! It is a long story. But here it is in a letter I wrote to Apple and sent with my computer:

To Whom It May Concern:
...

On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, my laptop stopped working correctly. I took it the next day to a local Apple repair shop and they determined the logic board was bad and that it would have to be shipped to Apple for repairs. It was shipped on the Wednesday prior to Thanksgiving (November 24). I understood that with the holidays, it would be the following week before my computer would arrive at the repair center. The local repair shop was awesome at keeping me apprised of the status of my computer, but was at a loss as to why it was taking so long to get repaired. After a week and a half, the status on my computer indicated that the part was backordered. One of the guys at the local shop talked with someone at the repair center on Thursday, December 9, and was told that if the part had not arrived by Monday, December 15, he would put me in touch with Apple and they would talk with me about replacing my laptop. I called the local shop on Monday and they told me the part had been found and my computer had been repaired on Saturday, December 11 and that I should have my computer back by Tuesday, December 16 – almost three weeks to the date it had been shipped in the first place. Needless to say, I was just happy to get my laptop back.

I called on Tuesday, December 16, to see if my laptop had made it back, and sure enough – it had. I went to get it and was very dismayed by what I found. After I had checked to make sure the data on the computer was mine, the guy from the store closed my laptop and I was treated to the first view of the outer casing on my laptop. First of all, some tape had been applied and removed and in its place was a huge spot of tape glue. Not only that, there were other scratches and marks on the outside that were not there when I shipped it for repairs. They guy used some “Goo Gone” to remove the tape glue and then cleaned the top of the laptop, however, there were still many marks on my laptop that were not there the last time I had seen it. Unfortunately, I was running out of time on my lunch hour and had to leave before giving my laptop a detailed once-over. When I got back to my office and was able to really look at it, I was even more dismayed by the overall appearance of my laptop.

In addition to the scratches and marks on the top of my laptop, there were scratches to the bottom of the case and some of the seams of the laptop – the places where the different parts of the case come together – were warped or had gaps. For example, looking at the front of the laptop with the top down, near the clasp, the seam where the top of the keyboard meets the bottom of the case has a gap and looks like it was forced together. Also, when looking at the front of the laptop with the top down, the screen is warped, and does not close like it did prior to being “repaired”.

From a consumer’s perspective, it seems that when talk turned from repairing my computer to possibly having to replace it, the part suddenly appeared and my computer was “thrown together” to get it back to me. I feel that I am a reasonable person and that I was very understanding about the amount of time it took to repair my computer. However, I am severely disappointed in the treatment of my laptop. In my opinion the technicians should have treated it with more care than it was afforded. Now, I have to send my laptop off again for who knows how long to fix what wasn’t broken in the first place.

...

Well, that about sums it up. Can you tell I was/am frustrated? I don't think I'm being unreasonable.

I must admit, though, after dealing with this yesterday, I was quickly reminded of how stuff like this isn't really that important when there are people who are hungry or homeless or family-and friend-less. I have been so blessed in every other way, I truly cannot complain.

So.....my holiday will still be jolly and happy because I have family and friends who love me and whom I love. I hope you do, too!

Holiday....whatever?

Is anyone else feeling like you just wish you weren't at work? Not because you don't like the job or the people you work with (although I do have some friends in that situation) but simply because the holidays are drawing near and you'd just rather not be in the office.

I'm telling you, it is a struggle for me. I do love my job and the people I work with, but I do not want to be sitting here at this desk working. I feel like I need to be "out there" doing something other than what I'm doing. I think it is a result of years spent in school, counting down the days until the Christmas break, which lasted for two weeks. Two whole weeks of doing nothing. Then once Christmas break was over, you knew it was back to work. It's funny....once the new year rolls around and I put up the Christmas ornaments and clean the corner where the tree now stands, it will be back to business as usual. Just like when I was in school.

Part of my apathy this time, is a strong desire to go and be somewhere where God and I can be together. I'm working through some things in my mind and I'd like to just go away from everyone and read the Word and talk to God. Maybe I should take a day off and do that anyway. Hmmm.....

Anyway, thought I'd post something during one spell of apathy here at my desk. Still no news on the iBook. It could be the end of this week or even next week before I get it back. *groan* I'll survive, I suppose.

iBook Update

Well, it could be the end of next week before I get my laptop back. *sigh* They are having to replace the logic board, and apparently, many other people's as well. Seems like they had a generation of bad logic boards and now they are on backorder. All I know is, I miss my 'puter!

In spite of being Mac-less, life has been busy. As I said, I knew this week at work was going to be crazy, and sure enough - it has! The only reason I'm getting to post something is because no one else is in the office right now. I finally finished our newsletter and other items we have to get printed to mail out. Whew! I need a vacation!

Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Ours was fantastic! We had 10 people at our house on Thanksgiving. The food was great, but the fellowship was even better. I'm just so thankful to God for all of His blessings in my life.

Last night, me and Deedee picked out our Christmas tree. I know she probably wanted to kill me. I'm so picky and all she wanted was a tree. We did meet in the middle and found a really cute tree for only $30!!! She was excited to find one cheap and I was glad to get a tree I actually liked. Her boyfriend, James, helped us get it to the house. He is just an awesome guy. I'll be sure to post pictures of the Christmas tree. (I know I missed getting pictures of the pumpkins at Halloween, but the tree will live longer than our pumpkins did!)

Anyway, this weekend is going to be crazy - oh the holiday season! It's Christmas-time in the city! I'm leading worship at a church "lock-in" tonight, but then I'll have to leave around 2am to make the hour-long drive home so I can grab a couple hours of sleep before I have to get up and be in a Christmas parade (with our motorcycle ministry) first thing in the morning. Needless to say, tomorrow is going to be interesting! I'm already tired thinking about it. On top of that - we have to decorate our tree sometime!

I hope your weekend is fun for you! Until next time.....